Fanon:The Misadventures of Pedro Goode (Part 4)

Part 4 - The Playground
The bell ringed noisily, marking the beginning of recess. Paul asked Pedro to play soccer with him, but Pedro said no. Today, Pedro was finally going to impress his crush: Lauren.

He skipped across the blacktop, which was hot from the sun shining on it all morning. Lauren was chatting with her friends by the swing set.

“Hi, Lauren!” called Pedro. Lauren waved back shyly. Pedro climbed up the spiral ladder of the staircase and up the stairs to the tunnel slide. “Lauren!” he called again. His crush looked up at the tunnel slide and found Pedro. “Watch!” yelled Pedro as he climbed onto the tunnel slide and began flexing his muscles.

“What are you doing, you weirdo?” hollered one of Lauren’s friends. Lauren giggled with her friend.

“Dang it,” muttered Pedro to himself. He stopped flexing his muscles and decided to do a handstand instead. Pedro looked down at the swings, but Lauren still didn’t look impressed. “Come up here!”

Lauren whispered with her friends before climbing up the spiral ladder to the slide.

“Hi,” whispered Pedro awkwardly. Without waiting for Lauren to say hi back, he jumped off the tunnel slide and picked up Lauren. She screamed and struggled, but Pedro’s grip was too sturdy. He climbed back onto the tunnel slide and lifted Lauren as high as he could.

“Let me down, Pedro!” she shrieked. She tried to scramble out of Pedro’s tight grip, but it was no use.

“Relax, babe,” said Pedro calmly. He put two fingers to Lauren’s lip to soothe her. “The view is beautiful up here, isn’t it?”

“Let me go!” Lauren pulled her face back and bit Pedro’s fingers as hard as she could.

“Ow!” shouted Pedro as he put his fingers into his mouth. Consequently, Lauren fell, but she managed to grab ahold of the slide with her left hand.

“Help me, Pedro!” she screamed. Pedro leaned down to take Lauren’s hand. Suddenly, a bumblebee flew past Pedro.

“Ah!” Pedro shouted as he waved his hands frantically. Lauren lost her grip on the slide and fell. Her head hit the metal slide and split wide open, causing her brain matter to spill out and sizzle on the hot blacktop.

“You monster!” screamed Lauren’s friend. However, Pedro didn’t even notice. He had just been stung by the bumblebee and was screaming in acute pain. Just as the pain went away, Pedro lost his balance and slipped off the slide.

Pedro thought he was done, but it was far from over. His underwear caught a loose nail on the slide, which gave him a mega-wedgie. Pedro was left hanging by his poop-stained tighty whities, 15 feet above the ground. His classmates gathered around him and started laughing.

“Help!” he called. A few teachers ran over to see what was going on. Pedro looked back at the top of the slide, where an obese kid was preparing to slide down. “Don’t!” he shouted, but the kid didn’t listen. The nail came out as the fat kid slid down the slide. Pedro fell 15 feet to the ground.

Pedro groaned loudly in pain, but then, he realized he was at the opening of the slide. The obese kid came out and landed on Pedro, ass-first. Pedro tried to push the kid off as he suffocated on his posterior. Suddenly, the obese kid let out a silent but deadly fart.

Pedro suffocated slowly. His last breaths were that of the nasty fart.