Fanon:Big Nate: The Joker

Big Nate: The Joker
Big Nate: On a roll + Joker 

“Hurry up, gang! Otherwise we’ll be late for science!”

“Woah, there!” Exclaims Teddy. “Since when have YOU been excited for a lesson with ol’ fossil face?

He’s right. I’m not excited for the science lesson at all, but rather what’s after the science lesson… 

Because there’s a timber scout meeting after school! Mr. Ortiz (Teddy’s Dad) is our Troop leader and he says there’s an exciting event coming up and he wants to tell us all about it in the timber scout meeting. 

I’ve made it through the whole day without detentions so I can attend this meeting. I just have to behave myself until science is done and I’ll be good.

The lesson doesn’t start off too bad. Galvin wants us to take some notes on this diffusion stuff or something… Then, in the middle of the lesson, he gathers us around and tells us what we have to do for today’s lesson. 

“Alright class, let’s have Artur and…”

Ugh. It’s always Artur who does the stinkin’ demonstration. Mr Perfect sitting over there with that obnoxious smile on his face...

“Nate!” 

Nyuh? Did he just call my name? Great. Now I have to do a demonstration on whatever we're doing, which I totally did not pay attention to. 

“So, if you were listening, you would now have to seperate the two mixtures by…”

I have no idea of what’s going on now. I’m just looking at whatever Artur’s doing, which seems to work. I’m just trying to get my tubes set and-

YEOW! That idiot Artur flippin’ trodded on my foot while he was trying to grab one of those fancy science tool things! I accidentally let my tubes go flying, then-

ARGH! Some chemicals from the mixture are burning my hair! I go over to that shower thing and FWOOSH. I think I feel as good as ever. Until…

 

“NATE! You could have accidentally splashed Artur with your Pitanziem Chloride* mixture!”

ARTUR!?!? Who cares about that sack of Belarussian garbage, can’t he see that some of that nuclear waster probably burnt one of my tufts off?”

I turn to argue but he hands me a pink slip. 

As I walk back to my desk, the whole class was laughing (probably about my hair missing some chunks about it.) and I look into the mirror. It wasn’t just a bunch missing, my centre tuff looked the mashed beans in the cafetouurium the other day.

After the lesson, I sulk over to the detention room. Stinking Artur, if he hadn’t trodded on my foot he needn't have me accidentally spill stuff all over the place, making my hair look like the Chernobyl incident and now be stuck in detention and therefore have me miss my timber scout meeting! 

This is turning out to be one of the worse days I’ve ever had. 

After the detention ends,  run out of school as if there was a zombie outbreak in there. I grab my skateboard because that’ll make my trip much quicker and I might actually make it before the lesson ends, as Mr Ortiz always says: Half a scout is better than No scout at all! 

I choose to go into the direction of the town rather than the park, because it’s quicker but might be packed with a lot of people. Thankfully, I didn’t see anyone there and was easily able to skate past. Also, there’s this deranged park ranger in the park who probably would have confiscated my skateboard or something. 

* Pitanziem is a made-up substance, I came up with this randomly because I have no idea what sort of epic chemicals  you would use in your regular science experiment

 

I’m almost at our road until-

I see a teenager and some of his friends walking around, probably shoplifting. 

“HEY! WATCH OUT!” 

They don’t seem to have listened. Yikes. 

I attempt to slow myself down and thankfully it worked, but I ended up in front of who seemed to be the leader of the gang-

 Randy Betancourt.

PS:38’s biggest bully. He probably isn’t happy that I nearly bumped into him, but he didn’t listen to my yell sooo...

 

“Well, well, well. If it isn’t the great Nate Wright. Fancy seeing you hear at this time. Got another detention?” 

They laugh and run away. 

Stupid Randy… I’ll just get my skateboard and- 

Where’s my skateboard? 

RANDY! 

I attempt to retrace Randy and his goons. I see them shoplifting a nearby 7-eleven and I chase after them. They seemed to have finally noticed me. 

I got them into this dark alleyway and- POW!

Randy and his goons jump out of nowhere and start beating me up. What did I do to deserve all this? First Artur getting me into trouble, because of him I get detention, and because I get detention I nearly miss my meeting, causing me to get on my skateboard and now end up in this situation. 

After a while, they decide to run off. I try get up and I succeed. I check my watch with my black eye- 5 minutes left to the meeting, I might make it. Or I could go seek medical attention. I decided to see if I’m able to make it back to the meeting or if I have to get- 

My heart sinks. Why? Because I suddenly see my good old skateboard, finally beaten and snapped in half by randy and his gang. I don’t bother to go anywhere anymore, I just wrap myself around and cry. 

The next day, Francis and Teddy tell me about everything that was going on in the last meeting. We’re doing a small fundraiser for one of the orphanages in Portland, the top 3 get prizes and are able to go visit the children. I personally wasn’t very intrested in the visiting the children part but the prizes are a wow. Third place award was a Giant 3-D puzzle, which seemed pretty epic. Second place was a sort of small thin box which they said was with limited comics inside them. And first place- a brand new Skateboard with free customization! WOW! I really need to start selling- 

“What are we selling again?”

Francis says: “Basically, since we’re trying to raise money for children, we’re selling these clown toy things.”

He shows me an image of it on the pamphlet he gave me. 

“Wha- how are we gonna sell those things? Nobody would want them!” 

Francis shrugs. “I’m not sure, Nate. But the prizes seem worth it, personally I’m very Intrigued in the 3-D puzzle of Apollo 11, because-” 

Francis did have a point. I was really going to have to grind a lot of I really wanted that Skateboard back. 

It was a few weeks of pain and suffering, but finally- I had managed to sell 53 of those clown things, mainly due to parents paying me to go away and so they can stop their children from crying, I don’t blame them because I personally think that these clown things are weird and creepy. 

This was the last day before we were to gather around in Vex Park (Where all the troops in Portland came together for an annual meeting) and the winners were supposed to be announced there.

To try to make buissness better, I found this cool outfit in my Dad’s wardrobe and decided to wear it during the last day before we were supposed to meet together.

After school, I, Francis and Teddy changed into clown outfits so we could try get more sales. 

At around 5:PM, we were making decent sales, I managed to sell 3 more leaving my total to 56 of the toys. I figured that was probably a guaranteed win, because Francis and Teddy only had around 60 combined. 

All was fine until Randy and his goons came along. 

“Well if it isn’t the 3 dorketeers!”

His goons laughed. 

“Shut up, Randy.” Francis says back. 

Randy Smirked. “And I thought regular clowns were scary enough, Wright. But clearly your deranged hair makes adds a new category to the clown list.” 

His goons are on the floor rolling with laughter. Even Teddy started smirking a bit. 

“Guys, what do we do?” I quickly ask them. Francis replies: “I’m not sure. How about you, Teddy?” 

But I noticed that Teddy was gone. That selfish scumbag, leaving us to deal with Randy. 

“Looks like your little friend is gone.” Randy sneers. 

“Oh yeah? At least we have friends, unlike you Randy, with you and your goons who only pretend to like you-” 

I was about to High-Five Francis for making that roast but that jerk Randy punched him right in the face. His goons laugh. 

“Are you sure you want to finish that line, Pope? Because there’s more of us there’s-”

I flip out and then tackle Randy. I didn’t care that his goons were all punching me as well, I just wanted to cause as much pain to him as possible.

 As I arrive home, with a black eye which almost healed and a broken nose, I sit down and casually eat my broccoli and cheese like there was nothing wrong. Ellen is eyeing me strangely, wondering if my black eye was really black or just clown makeup. Then Dad comes home. 

“Hello, kids I’ve- GOOD GRAVY, NATE!” 

He finally notices my cut up and bruised face. 

“Wha- What happened today?”

So I try to explain.

After a few minutes, Randy and I were separated by a mall cop. Randy, obviously turned victim and said he was only defending himself because I attacked him. I didn’t really have anything to say so I just packed my bag and left. But that wasn’t the reason why I was so gloomy, though. I had forgotten to take my earnings back with me, and that I just wasted 2 hours of my time by standing outside in a clown suit.

 The next day, as I got to school, I noticed that only Francis was walking with me. Teddy probably didn’t dare because of what he did yesterday and left us there to deal with randy. As we were walking to school, I noticed wherever we end, people were laughing at us. I wasn’t sure what was going on, until Teddy, with very sympathetic and guilty looks, showed us Portland Daily’s Article about yesterday’s event.

 I’m just casually reading through it and then I come across a name- 

Gina Hemphill-Toms, 11 

GINA. She’s the one who submitted this article (well maybe no) telling the news guys everything about me always trying to make my life miserable. She’s gonna pay. 

After school, me and Francis walked to the Park, without Teddy (again) and obviously everyone was laughing at us. 

The scoutmaster did his usual welcoming speech thing, and then he showed us the awards.

" IN THIRD PLACE, WE HAVE JOSH HUSKY FROM TROOP 7, SELLING 45 ICE CREAM SANDWICHES!" WHAT? Those guys got to sell ICE CREAM SANDWICHES WHILE WE HERE HAD TO SELL THESE CRINGEY LITTLE CLOWN TOY THINGS!?!?! 

"IN SECOND PLACE, WE HAVE NATE WRIGHT FROM TROOP 3, SELLING 53 TOY SETS!"

NO! Second place. Dang, I thought I HAD that skateboard. Ah well. 

AND IN FIRST PLACE, WE HAVE ARTUR PASHKOV FROM TROOP 3, WITH 54 TOY SETS SOLD!

Wha- ARE YOU FREAKING SERIOUS?! Stinkin’ Artur gets the skateboard with ONE set away from me! If it weren’t for Randy and his idiot goons, I would have WON THAT BOARD! Randy’s dead. 

Artur comes over to congratulate me, but I just sulk back home. 

Before going to bed, I decided to open up my box of comics to have a good read. 

But there weren’t any comics inside the box- 

Instead, there was a REVOLVER. Not one of those airsoft ones either. A REAL REVOLVER, even packed with bullets inside it. 

Now I’m starting to think if I was really that unlucky anymore. 

When walking to school tomorrow, Francis shows me the newspaper. Is it stinking Gina again, making fun of me?

Francis says: “Our scoutmaster got busted yesterday. Apparently he’s a convicted drug dealer.”

So that kind of made sense. He must have switched out the comic box with the revolver or something. But I don’t tell Francis about my prize.

WOOSH!

Something speedy passes us and  I nearly fall.  I swear, if it’s Randy again I’m going to- 

But it wasn’t Randy, it was ARTUR on his new board. That would have been MINE if it weren’t for Randy but on the other hand, I had a gun and hmmm….

I was getting another one of my genius ideas. One to get everything EVEN for me, for once in my life.

When I got home, I drew out my plan. Randy, Artur and Gina were my targets to kill, since I had a gun. Gina would was probably easiest, as she had invited me to be interviewed on PS:38’s Weekly Bugle daily show, where they do the weekly announcements and that stuff. Of course, she said that she wanted me to go onto the show because she thought I was a celebrity, but I knew better and that she was just trying to make fun of me again.

   

She said the interview was going to be a week later or something so I didn’t have much time to kill Randy and Artur as I knew I would be taken to prison immediately, after all the interview was live.

   

I had a plan for Artur but not Randy, though. Guess I’ll have to improvise later.

   

Tomorrow after school, I had heard that Jenny invited Artur over to her place for a sleepover and dinner. Those two shmucks will probably be having fun in bed, I thought.

   

Okay, that was a messed up thought, after all we were just 11 but moving on to the next part of my brilliant plan.

   

After dinner, I would say that I had something to do for school and I had to get supplies and stuff. Dad wouldn’t really care, guy’s been very depressed lately ever since he found out that Ellen was a heroin addict.

   

Then, I would sneak off to Jenny’s house. Once they fell asleep, I would smother Artur with his own pillow and then make a quick getaway.

   

I put the plan into action the following night. As expected, Dad mumbled a quick alright and then continued on eating his sad dinner. At 9:00, I had successfully got to Jenny’s place. I was quietly leaning against the wall when I-

   

“Hey Jenny you know who is Nate Wright?

   

Nyuh? Did someone say my name? Are Jenny and Artur talking about me? I wonder what Jenny thinks of me…

   

“You mean Nate the clown? I think he’s a real idiot. Shelia’s always been talking about how he’s crazy for me though, and I’m scared that he actually is. Thankfully I’m dating you, isn’t that right hunny bunny?

   

My excitement face frowns and shifts into a sad, heartbroken one. Jenny, the person who I’ve been chasing after ever since Kindergarten was alongside Gina, talking trash about me? Oh well, at least that was one more for the hit list.

   

At 10:00, the lights went out. I snuck into one of the windows of the Jenkins household. Perfect! This window was the one where Artur and Jenny were currently sleeping together in their sleeping bags.

   

I got closer towards Artur and HUP! Smothered the stupid kid. He held a bit of a struggle, but thankfully Jenny’s parents did not wake up. I went to kill Jenny next. I’m not sure why but I enjoyed creepily watching her sleep, like I was some kind of stalker or something.

   

Unfortunately, Jenny woke up with a halt and saw me. Oh well, time to die.

   

Smothering Jenny was a lot harder than Artur, mainly because Artur was barely even awake while Jenny’s adrenaline was pumping through her, pushing me back… but hey, I managed it anyway.

   

When I sneakily got home, Dad was drunk and asleep as usual, and Ellen probably off to her drug dealer. I snuck back into my room and wondered how much of a better place the world was without these two scumbags.

   

The next day, all everyone could talk about was the death of Artur and Jenny. I tried my best to act sad on the outside while being extremely relieved that I didn’t have to hear Artur’s dumb english talk anymore. Thankfully, Francis was very sympathetic as he knew that Jenny was my crush and the fact that she was gone must have shook me really badly.

   

That jerk Teddy, on the other hand made fun of my relationship with Jenny. What a friend. Anyway, I’ve been wanting to test out my revolver soon, and I thought Teddy’s head would make great practice.

   

At lunch, things got worse. I was lining up for the Cafetorium’s Chinese special (probably just a bowl of soggy dumplings served with expired vinegar)  when GIna comes along.

   

“You’re blocking the line, Nate the clown.”

   

The whole cafetorium laughs at me. They want to call me clown, don’t they?

   

During the weekends, I took the subway to the mall and get myself some makeup and other things for my clown outfit. Now the universe can call me clown all the want and I wouldn’t care.

   

It felt like back to school shopping with Dad and Ellen. I kept walking out of store and store, but finally found things I was looking for. Unfortunately, it was getting late and I had to make it back home for dinner.

   

I run towards the subway station. Thankfully it isn’t piled up with people getting home from work. Just what I needed- an empty compartment to myself, no jerks teasing me, no Gina making my life worse…

   

That’s when I suddenly thought- Randy! I gotta deal with him before I go onto Gina’s show on Wednesday!

   

I got out my workbook and started designing a plan.

   

I’m just casually doodling some ideas down when I hear a familliar voice.

   

“Well well well… If it isn’t the infamous Nate the clown.” He jeers.

   

“Be careful, Betancourt- You’ve only got 2 of your goons with you,” I say, inserting my hand inside my jacket pocket which contained my gun.

   

“I’d watch my mouth if I were you, Clown. There are more of us than there are you.” He turns and looks around the compartment to see if there was anyone nearby.

   

“No mall cop to help you out this time, Betancourt..”

   

“I don’t need help, Wright. You would, though.”

   

His goons laugh. My ears boil up with anger.

   

OUCH! I should have expected this. Randy and his goons tackle me down and the 3 of them start kicking me like they did the other day with my skateboard. I’ve almost got it-

   

BANG! I take my revolver out and shoot one of Randy’s goons. Randy and the other one turn white with panic.

   

BANG! I kill his remaining goon.

   

BANG! I shoot Randy in his miserable leg.

   

“Not so strong when you’re all alone, huh Randy? That’s how I’ve felt my entire life. Isolated at school… Always tormented by you and your goons...”

   

I smile as I look into his face, drowned with fear and confusion.

   

“T-T-

   

BANG!

   

When I got back to school, everyone was freaking out about the 5 deaths of PS:38 students. Principal Nichols was there, interviewed by Portland news. They asked all sorts of questions, like if he thought there was a serial killer who targets children in town or if maybe someone in PS:38 was murdering them.

   

The worst part was, some students were called into the staffroom to be interrogated by Police officers.

   

“NATE WRIGHT!”

   

I tried to act as calm as possible as I walked into the staffroom.

   

“Hello Nate Wright. I am investigator Peterson.”

   

I nod.

   

He asks me all sorts of questions, like how was my relationship with Jenny, Artur, Randy and his goons. I said that I had always had a crush on Jenny since we were in Kindergarten, I didn’t really like Randy as he was the school bully and I lied about Artur being one of my closest friends.

   

I’m still wondering how my name ended up on the interrogations list, though.

   

Soon enough, Investigator Peterson (looking rather sceptical) lets me out the door. I’m not sure why but I have suspicion that someone tipped the cops off about me.

   

It wasn’t a bad day, science lesson had been cancelled so I basically had a free period!

   

I was about to go to the library with Francis and play some good ol’ fashioned table football when the Principal Nichols announces something in the speakers:

   

“Attention! All students, please report to the auditorium.”

   

Aww man. Wonder what this was about.

   

Basically, we had an assembly about the recent subway murders and he told us to be more careful. Then, he showed us the clip (which was probably a HUGE accident.)

   

There were many people freaked out (presumably because of the blood).

   

Thankfully, they couldn’t get a view of my face probably because I was lying on the ground with the 3 guys kicking me and stuff.

   

What happened next was probably the most shocking- Principal Nichols ordered a moment of silence for these 3 boys.

   

No, No, that wasn’t the shocking part. What happened next, however was.

   

Quite a few students rioted and said that this was unfair. They could clearly see the 3 boys continuously beating the killer up and kicking them and said that the killer shot them for self defense.

   

Principal Nichols, however said: “STUDENTS OF PS:38! THIS IS INCREDIBLY DISRESPECTFUL BEHAVIOUR FROM ALL OF YOU AND I EXPECT BETTER! 5 STUDENTS HAVE BEEN MURDERED IN THE PAST WEEK! MURDERED! I EXPECT MORE RESPECT THE NEXT TIME WE HAVE AN ASSEMBLY ABOUT SOMETHING LIKE THIS!”

   

I think a lot of students thought that was an incredibly poor point, including myself. All principal nichols thought of was the fact that 3 people were killed last night… he didn’t care that the fact that they assaulted me on the train… All he cared about was the fact that the 3 students went to his school and therefore demanded respect for them and ignore what they did.

   

Anyway, after the assembly, the students who protested against Nichols riotted around the school holding up a bunch of signs that said stuff like “SOCIETY SUCKS” and that kind of thing. I personally was feeling very happy and rebellious.

Then, when the entire school started getting back to their classes since the assembly ended, I got a great idea. I ran into a bathroom and hid myself in there.

I yelled from the bathroom, "SHOW RESPECT FOR THIS!" I shot Principal Nichols in the head and he fell off the stage, right at the kindergarteners. Oh well, they'll learn about it later in life, if they get there after I shoot them. I shoot at the kindergarteners and a dozen of them drop to the floor crying for their mothers. The whole place screaming in terror, kids trying to find their siblings, teachers running away, children crying for their mothers.

Oh well, a few more shots wouldn't hurt. I shoot Coach John in the head and he collapses to the floor, I also shoot a few 7th graders and I shoot Peter as well. I felt like that was enough and I hid the gun in my backpack and walk out of the bathroom and the whole gym is silent, children dead on the floor and children crying for their parents.

How wonderful!    

Once I got home, I thought of plans to one day perhaps rule the school and walk around like Randy did with this newfound group of people.

   

A few minutes later, the doorbell rang.

   

I open the door to see Francis and Teddy there.

   

“Hi Francis. What are YOU doing here?” I ask Teddy.

   

“May we enter the house?” Teddy says.

   

I let them in and I close the door.

   

“So uhh.. Nate. We’ve been meaning to tell you something.” Teddy begins.

   

“You’ve been meaning to tell Nate something.” Francis snaps.

   

I start. “Alright… what is it?”

   

“So uhm… Nate I’m really sorry about how I’ve treated you in the past” Teddy says.

   

“That’s alright. I’m glad we can make up.”

   

“Since we’re friends now, I wanted to confess another thing.”

   

“Alright?”

   

“Er… Well… Principal Nichols asked random students if they knew anything about the killings… I sort of tipped him off and told him about you and their relationships… I think he thought that you wanted Artur dead so that you could be with Jenny or something like that… he also knew that you and Randy have a bad past and started to connect the dots… I thought he might have suspected me and Francis since we’re your friends… So I’m asking you to forgive me and tell Principal Nichols I and Francis are no longer friends with you.”

   

“Speak for yourself, Teddy… I’m sticking up with Nate no matter what. I don’t believe that he would do such thing.”

   

WHAT!? So this douchebag Teddy basically for the past few weeks, torments and teases me, stops following around me and Francis so that he would not be bullied like us? And now he comes here, just expects me to forgive all the things he’s done to us AND ask me to do him a favour? What a great friend the guy is.

   

“Yeah, sure Teddy.”

BANG! I shoot Teddy right in the head with my revolver.

   

Francis just stays frozen and stares at me.

   

“N-N-N-ate! S-s-so y-you really did k-kill those p-people! I-I don’t know what t-to say!”

“I’ll let you go Francis. You were always loyal and nice to me.”

   

He darts out the door. I doubt he’ll call the police, though.

   

I’m getting started on cleaning Teddy’s mess when I hear Ellen’s voice-

   

“NATE! What’s going on down there!”

   

“Nothing, Ellen. Just watching and old war movie with the boys.”

   

And I imitate Francis’ voice - “ooh! The communist manifesto sure is a good read!”

   

I hide Teddy’s body in a garbage bag and store him inside the basement’s secret cabinet and wash off all the blood. I can’t wait until Wednesday to to the same to Gina… Then I’ll happily go to Prison afterward.

   

The next day really isn’t anything too bad. I saw more “WE WANT JUSTICE” signs and paints, People have reported Teddy missing, and I think that’s what persuaded Portland Police to put a couple of officers on my tail. It kind of stinks, really. This morning, as I was trying to go to school I found a police vehicle driving very close to me, at a slow pace. Probably suspected me long enough and decided to keep a close watch on me as all the evidence sort of connected the dots. I can’t let these guys ruin my fun tomorrow, though, so I’ll have to find a new trail to school.

   

There was another Assembly, telling us to keep watch of our surroundings and that stuff, and always stay near an adult because they though a killer was on the loose. Francis was sitting alone, fear scattered around in his face. Phew. Probably didn’t have the guts to tell anyone what happened.

   

After school, I walked back home (the cops were still tailing me, of course) But I was still excited for what was going to happen tomorrow.

   

Phew. I had a strange dream about Mrs Godfrey being killed by the Cheez Doodle mafia or something, but that was that. Oh right, Today’s Wednesday! I have to go early to make it to the show by 8:00 AM I think. But first- to take care of some things…

   

I walked into the kitchen, grabbing a knife and then snuck to Ellen’s room. I stabbed her in the chest. Stupid ****. She was the reason why Dad was so depressed…  Of course I had to kill my father too. I figured I would be doing him a favour with everything that’s going on… goodbye Dad.

   

I’ve probably never been so free or happy in my life. With Dad and Ellen gone, I could do basically anything without them bugging me or making me guilty or anything! I could do absolutely anything I wanted!

After killing Dad and Ellen, I went to Classic Comics to see Gordie and I was going to get revenge. I went into the store and shot Gordie. Karma for him cause he didn't give me a discount for the latest Femme Falititly. I also shot a few other customers and I threw Gordie into the back of a random man's car. I ran back to my house.

   

I danced on some stairs which I’ve always wanted to dance on until the tailing cops came by, ruining all my fun.

“HEY, NATE!”

   

Oh shoot. I was NOT gonna let them ruin my moment of glory when I finally murder Gina. I start running to wherever I could go, as long as I could evade these cops.

   

“WAIT! COME BACK! WE JUST WANT TO TALK!”

   

I hurry into the subway, with them on hot pursuit. I jump over the gates and I hop into a train quickly- I don’t care where it goes to, I’ll just go back. All I wanted was to escape these cops. Shoot- they've boarded the subway with me too. And they’re trying the squeeze through the crowd.

   

I get a brilliant idea-

   

I take out my knife and cut some guy’s leg. He jumps out and yelps, and attacks the guy next to him. Soon enough, a massive fight starts. I love this country.

   

I see the cops getting crushed by the crowd- One tries to escape but thankfully I use my trusty knife and throw it at his head. Bulls-eye! Goodbye, officer whateveryournameis.

   

I get off the train and take one back to where I started. Gotta hurry!

   

I arrive at PS:38 just in time for my interview.

   

I’m just getting prepared, changing into my clown outfit and all that.

   

Alright, the interview is about to start.

   

“Good morning, PS:38! I am today’s host, GIna Hemphill-Toms! Today we have a special celebrity guest on the Weekly bugle live, but first- let’s roll the clip!” She immediately shows the clip of me going to chase Randy.

   

“Oh, man! That gets me every time! Anyway, please enjoy and welcome the one and only, NATE WRIGHT!”

   

I moonwalk onto the stage.

   

The interview starts off pretty well, but here’s what happened at last.

“Hey, how about a joke? Knock Knock!”

   

“Who’s there?,” Replies Gina.

   

“It’s the police! Your son’s been hit by a drunk driver! He’s dead!”

   

“Woah woah woah there… You can’t go joking about that stuff, young man.”

   

“Why not? It’s-”

“Now, I’m telling you this but not everybody is awful and gets these dark jokes.”

   

“You’re awful, Gina.”

   

“Oh yeah, Nate? How am I awful?”

   

“Inviting me onto this interview. You just wanted to make fun of me- like the rest of them.”

   

“You don’t know the first thing about me, buddy. Also, what do you mean by ‘the rest of them’? ”

   

“Oh, of course! I meant Artur, Jenny, Randy and Teddy! I killed all of them because of what they did to me.”

   

I laugh while saying that.

   

“Yeah? And why should I believe you?”

   

“What other choice have you got?”

   

“So- you’re just admitting that you’ve killed 4 of your classmates and you’re just sitting here and - and - laughing?”

   

“Haha! I know, right! How about another joke, Gina?”

   

“No, I don’t think so. I’ve had enough of your jokes. Call the cops and get this clown out of here!”

   

“What do you get when you cross a metally ill loner with a SOCIETY THAT TREATS HIM LIKE TRASH?”

   

“Call the cops, Mary Ellen! Call the cops!”

   

“I’ll tell ya what you get!”

   

“Mr Staples! The police!”

“YOU GET WHAT YOU FUCKING DESERVE!!!”