User blog:The Infamous Gollum/Gollum's Fantabulous 3 Year Anniversary Announcement

Hello friends!

It's ya boi, Thelonious H. Gollum, back with another killer deal!

Now, I'm sure you've all seen Gollum's Hot Dogs in the store and yes, they are pretty frickin' tasty,  HOWEVER ever since my now ex-wife sued me after I fooled around with the girl at checkout 6 at Home Depot, Gollum's Hot Dogs is pretty much owned by her and hey, you win some, you lose some.

That's why I'm launching a brand new, state of the art, military grade line of frozen food that Rebecca can't get her greedy hands on! Introducing:


 * GOLLUM'S FANTABULOUS FISH FINGERS™

I know what you're thinking: "Fish fingers? In this political climate?" but fear not! Gollum's Fantabulous Fish Fingers™ are 100% politically correct and 200% AWESOME.

Gollum's Fantabulous Fish Fingers™ are made of an experimental plastic called "Polyvinyl chloride". Now, I'm no scientist, but last time I checked "experimental" is just a synonym for "epic". I mean, think about The Beatles: As soon as they started dropping acid, their music was so much more than glorified One Direction, but I digress.

Gollum's Fantabulous Fish Fingers™ come in a vibrant, exciting box. It's so exciting you will actually implode when you see it. Seriously. Implode.

Gollum's Fantabulous Fish Fingers™  are coated in a delicous blend of breadcrumbs, himaylan rock salt and Dimethyl Cadmium. You will be craving Gollum's Fantabulous Fish Fingers™ for hours after consumption, and you will never fill the void in your life when Gollum's Fantabulous Fish Fingers™ are eventually discontinued. Yum!

Dip Gollum's Fantabulous Fish Fingers™ in the included Ketcharestard™, our unique house blend of Ketchup (or "catsup" if you're some sort of psychopath), Tartare sauce and Mustard. We-I take pride in the new flavour sensations there are to offer.

So, if you're stone broke or a goddamn fatass that can't be bothered to buy real food then Gollum's Fantabulous Fish Fingers™ is (are?) the product for you! Swing by your local supermarket and pick up a box for only $19.95. That's 5¢ less than $20. What a steal! So what are you waiting for? Go feast on some delicious Gollum's Fantabulous Fish Fingers™. Tell 'em Gollum sent you!