Fanon:Big Nate the Movie/Transcript

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[The Warner Bros and Warner Animation Group logo plays the new fanfare. Then, after the Paramount logo, it transitions to a Big Nate styled Paramount logo, which turns into a panel of a comic strip in a comic book. The comic book gets out of the screen and transitions to a city with a sign that says “Welcome to Rackleff” which then zooms into Nate’s house.]

Nate: [narrating] Hi, my name is Nate Wright. You probably know me in the popular comic strip on newspapers, my comic books, or the novels. Anyway, let’s go.

Francis: Ready for the finals?

Nate: Oh my god! I forgot about the finals! I need to study quick!

Teddy: Relax, it’s next week.

Nate: Oh. PHEW! [thinking] Maybe I should go to Peter’s house, although he is a 1st grader, he is very smart. *walks to Peter’s home*

Peter: Hold it Nate, shtop! Why are you running into my backyard?

Nate: I wanna study for the social studies finals.

Peter: Okay then. Lemme jusht grab theshe…

A FEW HOURS LATER…

Peter: Okay, let’sh go. 1776.

Nate: Declaration of Independence.

Peter: 1773.

Nate: Boston Tea Party.

Peter: 1863.

Nate: Gettysburg address.

Peter: 1914.

Nate: Start of World War I.

Peter: 1989

Nate: Tienanmen Square protests

Peter: 2021

Nate: …today

Peter: I don’t remember who you even are anymore!

Nate: So I can just go out?

Peter: Yes!

Nate: Alright. [thinking] Lemme just go to the nearest deli to get Cheez Doodles and a Mountain Dew.

[Nate gets home]

Martin: Nate! What were you doing out so long?

Nate: I studied with Peter.

Martin: And why do you have Cheez Doodles and Mountain Dew?

Nate: I picked it up before going back home.

Martin: Hmm… I should call Peter’s mother. *calling Peter’s mom* Hello, this is Nate’s dad. I’m asking, did Nate and Peter study? They did? Nate knows a lot about history? *starts getting happy* I’ll have to call you back. *hangs up* Nate, you may finish those Cheez Doodles and Mountain Dew, I’m ordering pizza! You actually studied in a while!

Nate: Wow. *starts eating and drinking the Cheez Doodles and Mountain Dew*

[The next scene is in school]

Francis: We’re gonna be free after this final!

Nate: Oh yes, we will. Like that time in 1776 when Thomas Jefferson and a bunch of others wrote the Declaration of Independence and made America free and independent.

Teddy: What the hell? It’s like Nate’s… smart.

Unidentified smart but mean person: Oh, yeah. It’s like Nate’s now smart “ooh! He is smart!” WELL THEN I’M SMART! I AM NOT GONNA OVERTOOK BY A TRASH BAGGY, CHEEZ DOODLE STAINED, SON OF A B-

* school bell rings*

[The scene cuts to Nate and Gina]

Nate: What did you get, brainiac?

Gina: A 98. I don’t think anyone got higher than that.

Nate: Oh, really? Look at this.

Gina: *suprised* A 100? H-HOW? WHAT? WHY?

Nate: I studied more than you did.

[Nate, Francis, and Teddy run out of the school]

[A montage of them doing things to do in the summer (e.g. golfing and going to the beach) is shown while a song made up by them called “Summer” plays over the background.]

Nate: Well, this marks our last day of summer.

Teddy: We already did everything.

Francis: Yeah, we went to the beach, did golfing, joined the “hunky and sexy boys club”.

Nate: How did we even get accepted into that club?

Teddy: I-I-I don’t know.

Nate: [looks at Mount Nicnack] But there’s only one thing that we didn’t do

Teddy and Francis: What?

Nate: We’re going on an adventure!

Francis: Really? REALLY? With you guys? We will just stop after 20 minutes.

Nate: It’s close to Jefferson-

Francis: Never mind. I’m in.

Teddy: I'm in too.

[The scene cuts to them walking to Mount Nicnack]

[Silence during walking]

Everyone: *looks at the mountain*

Francis: Yeah, this is gonna take a long time.

[The song made up by them “Climbing Up Mount Nicnack” plays]

Nate: [singing] We’re climbing up Mount Nicnack, Mount Nicnack, Mount Nicnack. For the start of an adventure. [not singing] C’mon guys, sing!

Teddy and Francis: Fine.

Everyone: We’re climbing up Mount Nicnack, Mount Nicnack, Mount Nicnack. For the start of an adventure.

[1 hour later...]

Everyone: [singing while gasping] We're climbing up... Mount Nicknack... Mount Nicknack... Mount Nicknack...

Francis: Guys,... maybe we could stop with that singing... and rest?

Teddy: Yeah. I'm super tired.

Nate: Sure. Let's sit down.

[Guys chill out near the path. Suddenly, Nate sees a space in the rock face]

Nate: Guys, look! This might be a cave!

Teddy: Nate, we're tired! We still have to rest!

Francis: Yeah, we can go, when we'll be ready.

Nate: Okay, fine.

[Then, Artur shows up as large as life]

Artur: Hallo guys!

Nate, Francis and Teddy: ARTUR?!

Francis: What are you doing here?! We thought you're going on vacation back to Belarus!

Artur: I know, I know. But three days ago, we come back. I am back from the top of the mountain and I go home.

Teddy: Oh, okay, see ya soon!

[Artur walks away.]

Nate: Dang it! Artur already got on the top of Mountain Nicknack, before we got here!

Francis: So what, Nate? We still can go there!

Nate: I know, but it's not the same! Although, there's one thing Artur hasn't seen before... [looks at the hole in the rock face]

Francis: Nate, are you serious?! We might get lost! [a drawn version of them getting lost shows up] We might be attacked by bats! [a drawn version of them being attacked by bats shows up] We might fall off the edge! [a drawn version of them falling off the edge shows up]

[Back to the mountain.]

Teddy: Chill, Francis! [Looks for something in his backpack] I've got torches, one for each! We can also leave everywhere those sticks we've picked up yet, so we can't get lost!

Francis: Alright fine, we can go!

Nate: I see… something at the end of the cave.

Francis: Let’s walk to it.

[walks slowly]

Nate: What is that thing-

Bat: *hisses*

Everyone: GAH!

Bat: Oh, ho ho, man! *takes off bat costume* You guys are really gullible!

Nate: Good god. You scared us!

Adam: I know! My name’s Adam.

Nate: Nate. So, how did you get here?

[While Adam is talking, his flashback is stop-motion animated.]

Adam: 4 years ago in 2017, my mom planned a trip to Mount Nicnack. Unfortunately, when she didn’t realize it, our house was getting sold.

7 year old Adam: But, mommy! I was telling you all day it was getting sold? Now what do we do?

Adam’s mom: I think I have an idea.

Adam: So we built a shed.

7 year old Adam: Wow, mom! You do great building!

Adam’s mom: And you protect people from disrupting our land!

Adam: And for 4 years straight, I was the guard of Mount Nicnack.

Nate: That’s cool but, how’d you do the clay figures-

Adam: It’s a flashback.

Nate: Alright. But where is the shed?

Adam: At the top.

Teddy: Great! We’re almost there!

[Cuts to them at the top. Normally in TV it would fade to black and fade back in after the break.]

Adam: Alright guys, here’s the shed.

Everybody: Woah!

Teddy: This place looks fancy! I mean, it’s bigger than it looks!

Francis: Good air conditioning, seat recliners and an entertainment room!

Nate: A TV with every single channel! We need a place to stay until tomorrow. Could we stay here?

Adam: Hmm… I don’t know. Hey mom! Could Nate and his friends stay here until the next day?

Adam’s mom: Who’s Nate?

Adam: He’s a friend of mine.

Adam’s mom: Sure.

Nate: So when you say you are friends with me, do you mean it?

Adam: Of course!

Nate: Okay. *huddles up with Francis and Teddy*

Francis: Do we have to make this guy one of us?

Nate: He can just be a friend that shows up usually. Like Chad.

Teddy: Yeah.

Nate: *stops huddling up* So, you got extra beds?

[10:00 PM]

Nate: *yawn* Well, I’ll go turn myself in.

[While everyone is sleeping, Nate has a dream.]

Nate: (dreaming) Huh? Why am I back here? Why did Cheez Doodles just randomly come up to me? GAH! Why am I naked? Go back! Go back! Phew!

[A beat starts to play in the background]

Nate: (singing) I don’t know what’s up with me, but I think that maybe, I’m in a dream.

[People start whistling]

Nate: These bird start to follow me, Jenny wants to go steady. I think that maybe I’m in a dream. *whistling* In a dream. *more whistling*

Gordie: Hey Nate! We have every single issue of Femme Fatality!

Nate: *stops singing* Issue #2291? That isn’t even out yet!

Gordie: Like I said, we have every single issue.

Nate: *continues singing* I think that maybe I’m in a dream

[Whistling continues]

Nate: I’m in a dream.

Everyone: Nate! Nate! Nate! Nate!

[Then cuts back to the shed]

Francis: Nate! Nate! Nate!

Nate: *wakes up* uugh… what?

Francis: You were sleeping for a long time. We have to get going.

Nate: Oh, alright. Bye Adam! See you next time! We’ll probably be in the same school-

[Door shuts]

Nate: Yes! We scored the top of Mount Nicknack!

Teddy: Finally!

Francis: But the vacation hasn't ended yet!

Nate: I know. Let's go for ice-cream!

Francis: Good idea!

Teddy: Yeah, it's so hot.

[Scene cuts to the ice-cream shop]

Nate: Hi, Mr. Rosa!

Mr. Rosa: Hi kids, what ice - cream do you want?

Nate: Hold up-- "Take the Mt. Everest Challenge"? What's that Mr. Rosa?

Mr. Rosa: 66 scoops of ice cream! One of each flavor! If you finish the Mt. Everest in one sitting, you win free ice-cream for a year! If you can't finish it, though, you have to pay for it: 100 dollars!

Nate: Hmmm... Nate Wright is going to climb that mountain! Here it is! All my lawn-mowing money!

Teddy[thinking]: Hoo boy...

Mr. Rosa: Nate, do you really want to take the Mt. Everest Challenge? Wouldn't you rather spend your savings on something else?

Nate: Nope! Eating 66 scoops of ice-cream in one sitting will make me even more of a legend!

Teddy: "Even more?"

Nate: Start scooping!

Mr. Rosa: Here you go, Nate, the Mt. Everest!

Nate: Ha! Lemme at it! [while eating] Armed with only a spoon and... my cast-iron stomach... I will reduce this... mountain to an empty bowl! [after a while] Ow. Ow! Ow! OW! OW! BRAINFREEZE!

Teddy[thinking]: 65 scoops to go...

[The song "Cold, Cold Mt. Everest" performed by Nate, Francis and Teddy starts playing]

Francis: 3..., 2...,1..., GO!

Nate[singing]: I have to eat 66 scoops, I have to eat them all, I have to eat them in one sitting, 'cause I don't wanna pay 100 bucks.

Francis and Teddy[singing]: He has to eat 66 scoops, he has to eat them all, he has to eat them in one sitting, 'cause he doesn't wanna pay 100 bucks.

Nate[singing]: I have to eat 66 scoops, I have to eat them all, it's not an easy thing to do, 'cause brainfreeze attacks me!

Francis and Teddy[singing]: He has to eat 66 scoops, he has to eat them all, it's not an easy thing to do, 'cause brainfreeze attacks him!

Nate[singing]: Cold, cold Mt. Everest, a hard mountain to climb, cold, cold Mt. Everest, a hard mountain to eat.

Francis and Teddy[singing]: Cold, cold Mt. Everest, a hard mountain to climb, cold, cold Mt. Everest, a hard mountain to eat.

[The song ends]

Teddy: Nate's doing it! He might actually finish the Mt. Everest!

Mr. Rosa: Maybe, but he's coming to the tough part: our speciality flavors! Yam, avocado, carrot, beet...

Teddy: What's the yellow one?

Mr. Rosa: Egg salad.

Nate: Oolp! Ooooooohhh....

Teddy: C'mon, Nate, you're almost there! If you can eat that scoop of egg salad ice-cream, you win!

Nate: Nnngh..., urrg..., *gag*... I CAN'T DO IT!

Mr. Rosa[thinking]: ...and the Mt. Everest claims another victim...

[Scene cuts to the basketball court]

Teddy: Hey, guys, did you hear? Nate just came one scoop away from winning the Mt. Everest Challenge!

Francis: He almost won free ice-cream for a year! Instead, it cost him all his lawn-mowing money!

Nate[very weakly]: I paid a hundred dollars for the priviledge of getting violently ill in a strip mall parking lot...

Chad: Haha! Been there!

Nate: *bounces basketball* I just hate egg salad. Have you met anyone who eats egg salad

Chad: My grandma tried getting me into egg salad.

Nate: I feel bad for you. *throws basketball to hoop* I mean, that was 3 years ago but still.

Francis: Well, we better get going. See ya!

Chad: Bye!

Chad’s grandma: Chad! Lunch is ready!

Chad: Coming!

[scene cuts to Teddy, Francis, and Nate on a hill]

Nate: All right, the road.

Francis: It’s a freeway.

[Two cars crash into each over

Teddy: Yeah, how will we go through without surviving? Can’t we just skip this part?

[Artur comes out of nowhere]

Artur: Ah! Hallo fellows, how are you doing-

Nate: ARTUR LOOK OUT!

[Artur gets “run over”]

Nate: A-Artur? He-he didn’t make it alive. *sob* and it’s all my fault. I’m sorry, Artu-

Artur: That was just decoy

Nate: How the hell did you do that?

TBA