Fanon:Thomas and Wooden

I'm sorry for loving you, Wooden

This is a story about Thomas's first year in high school. He was pretty badass but one of the low class bullies. He was that guy who took all APs because of his Punjabi heritage, but still got Bs.

And then one day, his love life changed. A girl named Wooden transferred to the school. The rest is the story to behold!

Chapter 1: A Few Weeks In...
* RIIIINNNNGGGG*

It was 6:00 in the morning. Thomas woke up, thinking if he had finally gone insane and changed his alarm clock. But instead, he saw it was his phone ringing. He crept out of the bed in order to not wake up his dad, who was in the same bed. Then he went into the bathroom in the bedroom.

"Hello?" asked Thomas. The caller name was in the form of a phone number, so he couldn't find out who it was.

"Is this Thomas?" said a girly voice. "Or did I call ILCAD instead?"

"Ok, who the hell is this? Are you from the wiki?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Are you one of those female users who rarely come?"

"I think so."

"Hm. So, where do you live?"

"I don't really think it's relevant, but Hawaii."

"Ooh, Hawaii? Can you send me a coqui frog?"

"Sure, they don't belong here anyway. And they stink up the streets."

"Oh, ok. Actually, I would be giving you my address..."

30 minutes later...

"Well, why are you calling me?"

"Oh, no reason. Someone just gave me your phone number."

"Alright. Even though I don't feel like it, let's keep in touch, ok?"

"Sure. Alright, see you soon, Thomas."

"Bye."

And Thomas hung up.

"OY, Thomas! Come get ready for school!" yelled Thomas's mother.

"Alright mommy, cuming."

'''PACK MA BAG! BRUSH MA TEETH! FORGET MY... brea'''kfast...

Soon Thomas was off to school. "Yo, what's good, Thomas?" one of the random kids said to him. He was pretty popular in school, but no one knew that he liked Thomas and Friends.

When he walked inside the school, he immediately saw his friend, Squirrel. Thomas wasn't sure whether he was black or white. His hair stood up tall but was completely frizzy and shot out in different directions. There was also something about Squirrel. He seemed like he was once female, or was dating someone... or if he was obsessed with furry animals.

"Yo, Thomas! Dab me up!" shouted Squirrel.

Thomas liked Squirrel, but he wasn't sure if there was something weird about it. Every day he thought about it.

While the two were walking to class, Thomas saw a really, REALLY hot girl walking into the class. She was about the same size as Thomas, but a tad bit slim. Thomas loved how she stood up straight. When he got a good look at her face, he was charmed! She was the happiest girl that Thomas had ever seen. She had brown hair that shone in the school lights and the broadest smile ever. Thomas smiled too.

"Hey... Thomas..." called Squirrel. "Are you okay?"

"I'm better..."

"Everyone, we have a new student in our class. Thomas, will you introduce her?" announced the homeroom teacher.

"Okay," Thomas said, still smiling. "So, what's your name?" he asked the new girl.

"Oh... my name's Wooden!"

"Forgive me for asking, but who names their girl Wooden?"

"I don't know. My dad's a carpenter, and he was drunk when he was naming me."

"Dads, am I right?"

Chapter 2: I'm Not What You Think...
Thomas was in a state of shock and confusion. Wooden was very hot... but her name was Wooden?

"Looks like somebody has a fetish for the-"

"Shut up, man!" shouted Thomas, as he slapped Squirrel in the face.

Squirrel slaps Thomas back and chuckles to himself as he walks of to test his "unspoken rizz" on unsuspecting female cats because squirrel is a gay transgender furry.

"Ugh liberals..." Thomas thinks to himself as he walks off to his next class, gym. As he walks into the gymnasium, Thomas gets hit with the strong odor of B.O. Of course, the smell was from SOTI.

"Is he really wearing the same hoodie that he has been wearing for a week?" Thomas ponders as he plugs his nose.

"Yoooo, Thomas dab me up!" SOTI exclaims holding his hand up for Thomas to dab up.

"Wait, SOTI?!"

"No Thomas you dumbass, my name's Joey."

"GULP."

Thomas knew Joey; he was the fifth most popular kid in school due to doing graffiti on someone's balls. He became a well-known artist and gang member throughout the school.

"Eh, be on your way Thomas before I graffiti your balls," Joey replied.

"Phew..."

Later, Thomas ran into Wooden. "Oh, hi Wooden. Can I have your number?"

"Um, sure? Why do you want it..."

"No reason~"

"Uhm... ok?"

"Sweet!" said Thomas.

Oh, no... thought Wooden. I know where this is going...

Later, Thomas and Wooden met at a tree because Wooden wanted to.

"Thomas, I have something to tell you," Wooden said nervously.

"What is it?" asked Thomas.

"Oh man, I am finally gonna get laid today!" Thomas thinks to himself. "Squirrel and SOTI are gonna be so jealous!"

"I know you want to love me, but... I'm not looking for a relationship like that. There are plenty other fish in the sea."

"W-what?"

MEANWHILE ON THE WIKI...

"SQUIRREL! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" Ash typed.

"It's the only way," replied Squirrel.

The users were all flaming at Squirrel! "Why are you doing this" typed SOTI.

"I can't believe you" said Cant.

"No wonder you're so gay" ILCAD replied.

"Well, I'm gonna go do it," Squirrel typed at last.

And now back to Thomas and Wooden...

"Aw, but Wooden! Think of how much fun we would have!" replied Thomas.

"and how much cheeks I would clap" Thomas thinks. "Finally my right hand can take a break!"

"How about we just be friends-" Wooden asked reluctantly.

"B-"

Suddenly, Wooden's blood froze. The two heard a gun cock.

"Well, look who it is," said a familiar voice.

Chapter 3: Wiki Police Chase
Thomas turned around, and saw something cold. Standing in front of Thomas and Wooden was Squirrel, with a revolver.

"You think Wooden is yours? No, she's right for me," Squirrel snorted. "We have the same skin tone."

"Okay, I know love is all about race, but..." began Wooden

"SQUIRREL! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!?! YOU'RE LITERALLY TRYING TO SHOOT ME!!! AND YOU'RE ACTING ALL BLACK AND STUPID!!! I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY FRIEND, BUT YOU'RE JUST A Wslur!!!!"

Squirrel and Wooden gasped. Their white skin started to fade away and their true black skin was revealed!

"Oh, Thomas..." sighed Wooden. "I'm sorry for lying to you-"

"Well, now you know, you prick. You know, you've always been so annoying."

"Me?! Annoying?! You were the one trying to-"

Squirrel shot a bullet in the air! Then he reloaded his revolver again. "Shut up, you Thomas the Wank Engine lover. Time to end this."

"RUN!" yelled Wooden, and she dragged Thomas along with her. The two saw a nearby van and got in quickly. Thomas and Wooden drove away! Squirrel did the same with his dapper car. He chased the two along the roads of the city!

"Amazing how you have to kill someone to get your true love," said Thomas to Wooden.

"Coincidence? I think not..." replied Wooden. She was too overwhelmed to even answer.

Just then, Thomas heard a police siren. The police were chasing them! Thomas stepped on the gas, and Squirrel started to shoot!

Eventually, the two had to stop, and the police caught them at last. First, they went to Thomas and Wooden.

"Now, I know you two are the victims, but you two have committed larceny and therefore have to pay a fine," said the officer. He then turned to Squirrel and said, "As for you, you have committed charges of larceny and attempted assault with a deadly weapon. You'll be coming with us."

Squirrel shot the officer in the head!