The Poll War (from War Correspondent Gollum)

This is my account of The Great Poll War. I do not wish to personally attack anyone, I'm just writing this for my own amusement.

Translation: This is a joke. Please enjoy! 😂

Prologue
I was on my GoComics hiatus.

I told everyone I would go and read Big Nate: First Class, but I found I was just sick of Big Nate in general. So after about two-three months, I came back. Don't ask me what brought me back, because I'm not entirely sure myself.

It felt like coming home after a long holiday. You know how your house has a distinct smell? And when you breathe it in after you've been away for so long, a smile forms on your face, as fond childhood memories come back? It's a nice feeling and it makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. That's what I thought my return to GoComics would be like. But instead, it felt like someone ransacked my house, left garbage everywhere as well as littering a few strategically placed human corpses in my lounge room.

Yeah, that's right. When I returned to GoComics, the air was filled with the stench of impending dread.

The First Poll
On May 23rd,2017, the first poll was typed into GoComics by a user known as Mrs. Godfrey. A name that at the time, was just associated with Nate's sadistic teacher, while today, we know her as the hypocritical, lie-spewing troublemaker of the times of the Poll War. She tried to "keep the peace" and always claimed that she was being attacked while she posted three-four paragraph WHINGE sessions about how she was just trying to help and she was the victim, all while perpetuating the spam and hate.

But that's a digression. A bit of information that will not become useful until later in the story.

Her first poll began innocently enough: "'Poll: what’s everyone favourite comic strip, thank you.'"

-Mrs.Godfrey May 23rd, 2017

The second recorded poll was on June 5th, 2017. Although it was kinda a bad joke, at least it was less annoying than the comment section we had before and definitely less annoying than MartySays.

After the fifth of June, Mrs. Godfrey seemed to have pissed off... for a little while (either that or she deleted her comments but either way, I wasn't there).

She returned on June 8th, 2017 to make possibly the worst poll I've ever read. Not gonna lie.

"'Poll- how many bananas have you ate today???'"

- Mrs. Godfrey, June 8th, 2017.

It wasn't even the right grammar. It's EATEN, for the love of God! Not ATE!

Copycats
On June 9th, 2017 after the banana poll, there seemed to be a copycat, following in Mrs. Godfrey's footsteps. A user by the name of "Akshay777". The user made a ridiculous poll but at least (well, I hope at least) that Akshay777 was writing the poll like that ON purpose to poke fun at Mrs. Godfrey. Or maybe the user was actually inspired by Mrs. Godfrey and was dead serious, I don't know. You can never tell. Especially with the internet.

There was another copycat that day named "NathanHain" who posted a comment going on about how he wanted to be "popular like Mrs. Godfrey".

Unfortunately for NathanHain, nobody replied to him because apparently nobody cared. I give a shout out to this guy for at least trying to do a poll related to the strip and not about bananas or frickin' toes for God's sake.

The next copycat is a very interesting case, mainly because he copied a copycat. Which is a whole new level of pathetic. This was a user named "Chad Applewhite" and the user was adamant that he/she/it/attack helicopter would become popular by being an annoying little bastard like Mrs. Godfrey. (I don't want to offend anyone so I'm using pronouns that are PC)

Then, the user has the audacity to reply to his/her/its own comment a record 17 times! Mother of GOD please stop.

Never have I felt more like Will Smith in Men In Black when he says this line. That is how I felt towards Chad Applewhite while I was reading through the comments.

June 11th, 2017, along came the user "Comix 'R' Us" (though he went by a different name back then). He instead of doing a poll, did a "survey".

This nonsense continued for a long time. So long, that I won't be able to list them all. The big take away from this was that it was getting out of hand. It was spreading, it was growing and it was mutating. The intellectual contagion, set off by Mrs. Godfrey had infected most of the comment section. And like the world after a massive plague, the comment section was never going to be the same.

War Breaks Out
Comix 'R' Us woke up one fateful morning, logged into GoComics, and thought, "Let's see, what should my poll be today? I know, how about 'How many banks have you robbed today?' Lol, that's a good one. I'll type that into GoComics."

And that's exactly what he did. Poor bugger was just joking but it was in poor taste. Over the last few days, it was already getting heated in the comments over these stupid polls and this joke poll was the last straw that broke the camel's back. There was public outrage, and it went to a high level. One user even told Comix 'R' Us to shut up! That's a bit extreme, isn't it? Especially considering that Comix 'R' Us is a GoComics Insider.

People began to argue and soon they comment section, once peaceful and unified, had broken apart, into two sides. Those who were against the polls, the Anti-Polls, and the ones who were for the polls, The Pollsters.

Here's some irony for you literary folks out there, when the polls began, BiggerNate91 was happy with the polls!

Then pretty soon, like not even a week after, he starts to get a bit intolerable of the polls.

What a difference six days makes am I right? Sheesh! Note that the user "JPuzzlewhiz" says:

"'They're harmless. Don't like 'em? Scroll pass 'em.'"

- JPuzzlewhiz, June 15th, 2017.

The comment section has another addition to the belligerents! Introducing, the Old People Who Don't Quite Know How Comment Sections Work.

...That like puns as well. Keep a look out for these guys. There was nothing but puns and polls for the next few months, though the puns disappeared faster.

Gollum's Entry Into The War
I sat in my cave, sipping my peppermint tea, as I pondered what could be going on in Big Nate now. Maybe Lincoln Peirce finally wrote an interesting storyline. Besides, I had left during the Daisy storyline (God was that a waste of everybody's time). I was ready to give Big Nate a second try. After all, I was gone since late March and two and a half months already passed. I put my mug down and signed into GoComics.

It was June 16th 2017 and I read the comic for the day. It wasn't that bad, I'll be honest (though it was to go downhill soon). I checked the comment section and-

"'Daily poll: Who's a zombie and who's a human? (Be nice please!).'"

-Comix 'R' Us, June 16th, 2017.

I, I, I, I can't even FATHOM what was going through this child's head when he wrote that poll! I mean, last time I checked, there wasn't any of the undead on GoComics!

This received an understandable amount of backlash as many commenters were already upset over the amount of spam comments! I decided that my first comment back would be one joking about it.

"'Poll: On a scale of 1-10, how annoying do you find the Big Nate comment section now that it has turned into a spamming ground?'"

-Gollum, June 16th, 2017.

That comment was featured and got 27 replies (legitimate replies not Mrs. Godfrey featured comment logic where she replies to her own comment like forty times).

That's right people. Gollum was back.

He immediately joined the fight and defended the comment section's integrity.

After that, the comment section was up in arms. Clashing ideals and egos set the fuse ablaze and the bomb was going to go off any minute now, as I was just about to find out.

The War Continues
June 17th, 2017 and the featured comment of the day was from Comix ‘R’ Us:

"“Daily Poll: Who’s your favourite star on Nick?”"

-Comix ‘R’ Us June 17th, 2017

People still watch Nick? God I feel old. That comment received 29 replies.

The user “Francis Butthurst Pope” did a strip related poll:

"“Poll: Which teacher is better: Coach Calhoun or Mr. Rosa?”"

-Francis Butthurst Pope June 17th, 2017

His comment received only 15 replies (though might I add most of the replies to Comix ‘R’ Us were people complaining).

The user “SouthWoodPark56 “did a strip related poll:

"Poll: witch of Nate’s girlfriends did you like the most (Angie or Kelly or Trudy or if you have read the novels Ruby)”"

-SouthWoodPark56 June 17th, 2017

He/she/it received 10 replies.

And the last poll of the day was from a user named “Peaceful Trees”:

"“Poll: Why is everyone creating lame polls?”"

-Peaceful Trees June 17th, 2017

It had three replies two of which agreed with him and one from the user “Jonathan W.G.” The Big Nate comment section resident grump.

"'Look in the mirror, please. Flagged.'"

-Jonathan W.G. June 17th, 2017

Peaceful Trees made a joke that was opinion laced, and Jonathan W.G. flagged that bastard. Yeah you show him Jonathan W.G.! In all seriousness, I do feel bad for Peaceful Trees because he/she/it had an excellent point. #justiceforpeacefultrees. There were a few more intelligent comments below Peaceful Trees, but one in particular really stands out for me:

"“yea but randy is weird and lame and idiotic”"

-S137830 June 17th, 2017

The Big Nate comments never cease to amaze me.

June 18th, 2017, the polls started to get a bit off topic. I mean it started promising, with a semi strip related poll from HeyIt’sConnor1236:

"“Poll: Comic strips or books?”"

-HeyIt’sConnor1236 June 18th, 2017

Again, I said SEMI related poll. Followed by one from Francis Butthurst Pope:

"“poll: who is your favorite super hero team? mine is the Teen Titans”"

-Francis Butthurst Pope June 18th, 2017

This comment received 9 replies including Jonathan W.G. explaining why he doesn’t like Teen Titans GO. (Which I can wholeheartedly agree with, I grew up with the original Teen Titans and TTG just took a massive dump on it).

There was a poll from user “BigNateFan” similar to Peaceful Trees’ comment from the day before:

"“Poll: Who thinks that the comments of the big nate section is becoming really off-topic. Btw this is serious”"

-BigNateFan June 18th, 2017

That received 10 replies that were surprisingly supportive from many commenters including the Big Nate Comments Wiki’s former admin .

It is explained here by Comix ‘R’ Us himself that he deleted his polls because he got mean replies (which confirms that I am not losing my mind. lol  I was like, “I swear that there were more polls.”).

BiggerNate91 was like screw it and did a poll as well, succumbing to the poll mentality:

"“You know what? Screw it all."

"Poll: What’s you’re favorite prank day moment?”"

-BiggerNate91 June 18th, 2017

He says with poor grammar. Whatever, at least he did a strip related poll.

In my opinion it was getting out of hand, there were too many polls and not enough opinion comments. Even formerly noble commenters such as BiggerNate91 had fallen victim to Pollio.

I’ll see myself out.

June 19th, 2017 there was a revelation. Comix ‘R’ Us announced that he had recovered from Pollio!

"“Hey guys I’m sorry for the stupid polls I’ve been posting. To make it up to u I want to show you my blog. It’s comixrusposts.weebly.com. Hit Menu and then slides. Also I got a new profile pic!”"

-Comix ‘R’ Us June 19th, 2017

Mrs. Godfrey decided to do a poll by not saying it’s a poll by saying:

"“Hey everyone… I’m sorry about all the polls… I am stopping now but I might not… can u tell me if you like the polls or not.”"

'''-Mrs. Godfrey June 19th, 2017'''

Bit ambiguous don’t you think? O_o

She originally received 48 replies and the majority of them were other people arguing over the polls. The pollio had gotten to their heads. Mrs. Godfrey also decided to reply to her own comment a record 7 times to get it featured (annoying many people). The users “Mahamedb123”, “ComedyMe” and “Josh Lyons” argued with each other and somehow, if memory serves, one of them got so upset that they said something like

"“Where you born on a highway because you were and accident. #savage XD”."

-Unknown User June 19th, 2017

I have high hopes for this generation.

Days passed. BiggerNate91, on June 26, 2017, went on his own hiatus like I did, saying that he wasn't going to comment for a while. It was short-lived, however, as various comments the next few days brought him back.

The Climax
Fierce fighting/arguing/finger pointing continued for the next two months. Many innocent brain cells were murdered and it seemed like it was never going to end. People complained and victimized themselves to get featured comment and the cycle continued. It seemed like nothing would change.

Suddenly, on August 4th, 2017 a user by the name of "Heatman84" spammed the Big Nate comment section so much that everyone, and I mean everyone pitched in and flagged the living crap out of Heatman84. And you know what? It actually worked. The comment section rejoiced! Perhaps it could work. Perhaps we could comment together in harmony. Mrs. Godfrey instead, decided to take matters into her own hands (with her heart in the right place nevertheless). She decided to create the Big Nate Spam Police. An organization that was, tbh, kinda pointless, as it had no point because people could just flag a comment by themselves. She instead wrote paragraph long comments trying to recruit people. I swear, as someone who was there it was like the Gestapo o_O.

Soon, for the next three days, the comment section and the featured comment were full of useless, paragraph long rants against spam. Funnily enough, there was no spam. The Spam Police created spam about spam. That is a talent.

Soon, on August 5th, 2017, the comment section was a mess again and BiggerNate91 threatened not only to leave again, but abolish the comment section for good. He had already written to GoComics and it was too late. Mrs. Godfrey had gone on another whiny rant about spam and the integrity of the comment section and I made myself look like fool by not reading the comic properly. Everything was going down the drains.

This continued for another few days as everyone brought their big guns out. It was a bloodbath of brain cells and many arguments were had.

I shook my head. This was never going to end was it? If it did end it would probably end with no comment section on Big Nate and once they removed the comment ability from Big Nate, who knew what they'd do next.

I closed my laptop and went to sleep. Hoping for a better tomorrow.

The End Of The Poll War
One day, it all stopped. As if we all thought simultaneously, "this has got to end". And so it did. August 9th, 2017 was the historic day. We all lay down our weapons and relaxed. We enjoyed the strip and swapped intelligent opinions and ideas. The comment section was in harmony.

We learned a valuable lesson. The Poll War To End All Poll Wars was a costly exercise and a rollercoaster of emotional hardship and clashing ideals. Though at the end of it, good had prevailed in the comment section and it was restored to its former glory for the next generation of commenters to enjoy.

And when the next commenters go back and read our comments from June 15th 2017 to August 9th 2017, they will know...

...their spam free comment section was earnt by their fore commenters.

This is war correspondent Gollum, signing off.

The Belligerents
Sides were being taken early on. As I mentioned before, there were about three sides in June 2017. Toward the end of the war, there were two sides: The Sane People and The Butthurt Whiners.

As of August 7th, 2017 the sides looked something like this:

The Sane People

 * Trapper Clicker
 * Comix 'R' Us
 * Positive Elixir Trade (Known as Game Freakazoid on GoComics. He was sane just because he kept cool and never fought the war.)
 * Jonathan W.G. (he IS on our side after all, despite being an uptight guy who can't take a joke)
 * ItzNateBOI (he may be annoying but he has some good points)
 * BigNateFan
 * Tue Elung Jensen
 * Lhenn
 * Jimmer Fredette
 * Turtwing
 * LittlePiggyOink
 * Gollum(LEFT)
 * Rayantarar
 * Limited Trappist ( Was not singed on at time of the earlier battles but had been overviewing the war from far away)
 * 0a1s2d3f4g5h
 * 10/10(BANNED -_-)
 * Meme_Machine(BANNED -_-)
 * DarkLight (Not always active, there was too much spam)
 * HappyDog
 * GiantNate91 (Viewed it, but did not have an account)

The Butthurt Whiners

 * OPYoshi
 * BiggerNate91 (The formally noble commenter who began to complain too much)
 * 1004Mike
 * Dee Dee Dorcas Holloway (New and old)
 * Sartaj Bedi
 * Mrs. Godfrey ( Changed her name to Mr.Rosa )

All Recorded Polls
Here is a list of all the polls recorded during the poll war. This also includes the complaints that start with "Poll".

Deleted Comments
Unfortunately, it is difficult to tell the tale of The Great Poll War in its full glory due to the abundance of deleted comments. Many were deleted because of embarrassment as they tried to rewrite the history books before they were even written! Some were deleted by GoComics and others just seemed to disappear. One notable shadow banned user was ComedyMe. He was responsible for starting many arguments in the comment section in the earlier days of the Poll War. It was revealed on December 4th, 2017, that he returned as 10/10(who is banned), and has turned over a new leaf.

Trivia
The first poll of the Poll War was posted on Positive Elixir Trade/Game Freakazoid's birthday.