Fanon:Big Nate the Movie - The Prince and the Party Pooper/Transcript

[Note: Any of you may add your own parts to the transcript as long as they follow the story in the movie's main page, and those additions will be proofread and edited by me (Smith ghast4). Enjoy!]

(The Nickelodeon Movies logo plays. Then, after the Paramount+ logo, it transitions to a Big Nate styled Paramount+ logo, which turns into a panel of a comic strip in a comic book. The comic book gets out of the screen and transitions to a city with a sign that says "Welcome to Rackleff" which then zooms into Francis' house.)

Francis: (exits through the front door) Ahhh, such a beautiful day! Perfect time to go to the beach. (walks over to Nate's house, about to knock on the door when phone buzzes)

Nate: (via text message that Francis is reading) At my grandparents' house today, might join a bit late, sorry.

Teddy: Hey Francis! Why are you standing there? You know you're supposed to knock! Heh heh...

Francis: Oh hi Teddy. Nate's with his grandparents today so he might not join us immediately. Ready to hit the beach?

Teddy: Absolutely!

(Francis and Teddy begin walking to the beach as the movie title "Big Nate the Movie - The Prince and the Party Pooper" appears for 5 seconds. The beginning credits play accompanied with a long instrumental version of the Big Nate TV series theme through a montage of Teddy and Francis walking to the beach, showing their season passes, and setting up their spot. Francis has a quick swim then starts drying off)

Teddy: Hey, there's Nate!

Francis: Huh?

Teddy: I thought you said he was hanging out with his grandparents today.

Francis: That's what he told ME.

Teddy: Then what's he doing here?

Francis: Good question. Here's another: Who's the girl?

Teddy: I don't believe this! Nate's got a SECRET GIRLFRIEND!

Francis: We don't know that. Maybe she's just a friend! Or a family member! Maybe she's his COUSIN!

("Nate" and his girlfriend hug and kiss offscreen)

Teddy: Not his cousin!

Francis: Holy cow! MAJOR P.D.A.!

Teddy: What is HAPPENING right now? If Nate's got a girlfriend, why hasn't he told us about her?

Francis: Maybe he's being modest. (he and Teddy laugh hysterically)

Teddy: No, seriously.

Francis: "Modest"! I crack myself up!

Teddy: C'mon, Francis, let's go meet Nate's girlfriend!

Francis: No, wait! Maybe we shouldn't. I mean, he must be keeping this relationship a secret for a REASON! Maybe there's something ...Y'know... wrong with her.

Teddy: Hmm... She IS letting him rub sunscreen on her back.

Francis: So she may be mentally unbalanced. If Nate has a girlfriend we didn't know about, what ELSE is he hiding? He could have a whole different set of friends! He could be leading a DOUBLE LIFE!

Teddy: Nate? Nah. To lead two lives, you've got to have a life to being with!

Francis: Good point!

Teddy: Hey, Nate's looking over here!

Francis: He's staring right at us! (he and Teddy start frantically waving)

Anette: Friends of yours?

Nigel: Never seen 'em before in my life.

Francis: NATE!

Teddy: Dude, what are you doing here? We thought you were gonna be at your grandparents' house all day!

Nigel: Are you blokes talking to me?

Francis and Teddy: (thinking) Blokes?

Nigel: You're interrupting our snogging session.

Francis: Nate! How come you've been ignoring us?

Teddy: Didn't you see us waving at you?

Nigel: YES, I saw you, but why would I wave to a couple of bloody STRANGERS? And the name's NIGEL, gents. I've never heard of this NATE fellow.

Nate: Hi, guys.

Teddy: (he and Francis gawk in shock) Y-you... He... Wha-?

Francis: It's... He's... You're...

Nate: What are you clowns babbling about?

Francis: LOOK! Do you notice anything UNUSUAL about this person?

Nate: Hmm...

Teddy: Think hard, genius.

Nate: (whispering) He has weird hair.

Francis: LOOK at him, Nate! Can't you SEE it?

Nate: See what?

Francis: The SIMILARITIES! Nigel here is an exact duplicate of you!

Teddy: Yeah, the two of you are like twins!

Francis: IDENTICAL twins!

Nate and Nigel: What? This guy looks NOTHING like me!

Nate: You guys are nuts! This kid and I look nothing alike!

Nigel: Agreed. I'm much better-looking.

Nate: Uh, dream on, pinhead.

Nigel: It's true, mate. You're a hot mess.

Nate: I'M a mess? What about your HAIR?

Nigel: What about your NOSE?

Nate: What about your TEETH?

Nigel: What about your SKIN?

Francis: Nate is literally his own worst enemy.

Teddy: Why am I not surprised?

Francis: Hang on a minute, Teddy, I've got a great idea to convince them.

Nigel: What about my FIST to your freaking FACE?!

Nate: Not as bad as a KICK in the-

(camera click and light flash to interrupt the fight)

Francis: There. Does this convince you?

(Nate and Nigel look at the photo Francis took of them on his phone and gawk in shock)

Nate: Wow, we do look similar!

Nigel: Indeed.

Francis: See, I told you you're each other's doppelgangers!

Teddy: What's a doppelganger?

Francis: A twin! A double!

Teddy: Pfft. No way. That's just a coincidental resemblance!

Francis: Well, yeah, that's what a doppelganger is. Anyway, care to introduce us, Nate?

Nate: Sure, Francis. But first of all, sorry about the fight, uh...

Nigel: Nigel. Yeah, pardon me too. Anyway, jolly good to meet you, mate.

Nate: You too, Nigel. Actually my name is Nate, not "Mate". And these are my friends, Francis and Teddy.

Nigel: Very nice. This here's my girlfriend Anette.

Anette: Hello.

Nate: So I take it you're from the UK?

Nigel: Correct guess, mate... I mean, Nate! It was the accent, wasn't it? I'm a young homeschooled lad from a royal family in London known as the Ryes. My father, Merlin Rye, is a distant cousin to the Queen of England. Anette and his parents ended up moving to here in America, and before leaving, she asked me to visit her sometime. So after I managed to get my family to take me with them here for the Summer... well, here we are! Isn't that right, Anette?

Anette: Right.

Nigel: So how's your life, Nate? Anything fascinating?

Nate: I just live in a regular family... Wait, is it regular to have a mean older sister and a clueless dad? Eh, whatever. I'm glad you're homeschooled. I have to go to school every weekday, when it's not Summer of course, and my social studies teacher HATES me, always hitting me with pop quizzes and detentions.

Nigel: Dear God, man, that sucks! If only you had a jolly brilliant life like mine...

Francis: (lightbulb shines over head) Or maybe you can!

Nate: What do you mean?

Francis: Why don't you guys trade places in the first half of the school year and see how it all turns out by Christmas break?

Nate: Really? I don't know...

Nigel: I like it! You, Nate, are a poor helpless boy, and we shall give you a good chance in life.

Nate: Uhhh, thanks?? Oh what the heck? I'm up for it! Let's share to each other our home addresses and phone numbers so we can stay in contact and get our plan going. (rips out a page from his notebook and gives the page to Nigel)

Nigel: Jolly good. Ooh, nice comic at the back!

Nate: Thanks! I forgot that was on that page. It's an installment of my comic strip, Dr. Cesspool.

Nigel: Hahaha... This is funny! May I keep this?

Nate: Sure!

(camera zooms out slightly and fades to black. Timecard: "On Labor Day....")

[more TBA]