Fanon:Big Nate the Movie - The Rat Race/ Transcript

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[Warner Bros logo plays the new fanfare. Then, Paramount logo starts playing the soundtrack. The screen fades to black and then it shows one of the streets of Las Vegas.]

Narrator: All of our characters used to know each other. But now, they don't remember each other. Soon, they'll get to meet...

[The camera zooms in one of the hotels. At the reception desk]

Francis: Good morning, I'd like to check out, please.

Receptionist: Your name is?

Francis: Francis Pope, ma'am.

Receptionist: Please, give me your keys to the room. Thank you. [Looks at the screen] Oh, and you have to pay $100.

Francis: For what?!

Receptionist: Cable TV. You were watching it at 3 AM.

Francis: I was not! It was my friend!

Receptionist: And you were watching movies. Some certain movies.

Francis: Look, ma'am, I'm an attorney, I don't spend time watching crap like that--

Receptionist: Mr. Pope, you want to check out, or not?

Francis: Yes. [sighs] Here you go, $100.

[The scene cuts to the bar]

TV: Anyway, let's head to the sports...

Teddy: Oh, geez...

TV: Thank you. Three days ago, on the Kansas City Chiefs - New York Jets match, Teddy Ortiz, the referee actually made a bad call...

Teddy on TV: It's tails! New York starts the game!

Random player on TV: How come?! It's heads! [pushes Teddy]

Teddy on TV: Don't push me! [pushes back]

The player on TV: You don't push me! [pushes again]

Commenter on TV: After the end of the match, it looked like Mike Danna from Kansas City Chiefs was right! At the same moment, Teddy Ortiz became the Jackass of the Week.

Teddy: [sighs]

Bartender: Not much luck, eh?

Teddy: Uh-uh.

[Scene cuts to a mall near the bar]

Randy: Nick, look! See those cute girls? Wanna try them?

Nick: Ure!

Randy: What? Nick, I can't understand you!

Nick: I aid ure!

Randy: Nick, what's going on?

Nick: [sticks tongue]

Randy: Ah, you've got you're tongue pierced. Listen, as those girls approach us, we try to act all buff, Okay?

Nick: Uh-uh.

[While some chicks pass by them, Randy and Nick make muscles. Yet, they don't notice them]

Randy: Shoot! Maybe next time, Nick.

[Cuts to a hotel room]

Ruby: Okay, kids, here we are!

Nate: Ahhh! Las Vegas! Time to rest!

Holly: Daddy, daddy! Can Andy and I jump on beds!

Nate: Sure, but be careful!

Holly and Andy: Yay!

Nate: Ruby! I'm going to look around here!

Ruby: You're going gambling, aren't you?

Nate: What? No! I just want to see, where's the pool and the restaurant! [searchs for some nickels in the pocket, as he leaves].

[The scene cuts to a restaurant near the top of the hotel]

Waitress: Anything more you wish, Ms. Holloway?

Dee Dee: No, thanks ladies, that's fine [takes a sip of beer].

Jenny: [walks, then stops by her table] Dee Dee...

Dee Dee: Jenny..., what are you doing here?

Jenny: [in a snippy tone] I'm the owner of this hotel. What do you want?

Dee Dee: I haven't seen you in years! What's the matter?

Jenny: You kicked me out on my own!

Dee Dee: When?!

Jenny: Back then, when you started to be an actress, you decided to kick me out of our house! You're my half sister, I thought you were about to help me, when I was broke! But luckily, our parents helped me.

Dee Dee: Jenny, sweetie, that was 10 years ago! I don't know, what hit me back then! Please, can you forgive me?

Jenny: Alright, fine!

Dee Dee: Oh, Jenny! [hugs her] So, what are we gonna do? Manicure? Pedicure? Maybe make-up, or shopping?

Jenny: I don't know, you pick...

[Scene cuts to the casino near the hotel. Nate plays slots and so are Randy. Teddy walks by]

Teddy: Maybe I'll finally have some luck.. [starts to play a slot]

[Jenny and Dee Dee also come across.]

Dee Dee: Ooh! Jenny! Let's go hit some slots.

Jenny: Fine.

Dee Dee: What's wrong? [sits in front of a slot machine]

Jenny: Nothing. [sits near Dee Dee]

[Francis also passes by the slots. He walks away, but then, he stops]

Francis: Oh, what the hell, worth a shot.

[All of them plays slots for a while. Soon, Wesley approachs them.]

Wesley: Welcome to my my casino! I'm Wesley Nichlos, and I'd like to arrange a meeting with you.

Randy: We're not interested.

Teddy: Neither am I.

Wesley: Oh, well, you'll meet the details in our meeting.

Jenny: Where is that meeting?

Wesley: The meeting is at the top of my casino in 20 minutes.

Nate: 20 minutes?! That's fast!

Wesley: Yes. So, chop-chop-chop!

[20 minutes later. At the top of Wesley's casino.]

Jenny: I wonder, why are we meeting here.

Francis: So do I.

[Sudddenly, Artur comes in]

Artur: Is here the meeting with Wesley Nichols?

Teddy: Who are you?

Artur: My name's Artur Pashkov. Born and raised in Belarus, teenage years spent here in USA.

Wesley: [comes in] Alright, I think you wonder, why you're here. Here's the thing. You're the perfect candidates for a race.

Nate: What race?

Wesley: On a train station in Silver City, New Mexico, a suitcase with $2 million is located in a locker. The person, who gets first there, wins the suitcase. You get the keys to the locker. They monitor every move you make. Any questions?

Francis: Why should we participate in a race like that?

Wesley: Listen, stranger, have you ever wished you had a big house? Or a pool? Those 2 million dollars could help you make your dreams come true!

[Everybody looks at each other]

Wesley: So, you're in?

Artur: It's a race! I'm in a race! [runs out of the room]

Nick: Old up!

Randy: We'll win it!

Teddy: Not so fast!

[Everybody, except Francis pushes and fights with each other, to quickly get out.]

Francis: I'm sorry, Mr. Nichols, but I'm not joining this stupid race. [Walks down the stairs when, everybody else is out and throws out the key].

[Scene cuts to Artur]

Artur: I'm in a race! I'm gonna win it! I'm in the... [suddenly falls asleep]

[Scene cuts to Teddy]

Teddy: Taxi! TAXI!!

[Jenny and Dee Dee pass through him]

Dee Dee: To the limo!

[Scene cuts to Randy and Nick]

Randy: Nick! I have a plan!

Nick: Whuh?

Just follow me!

[Randy and Nick get in their car. The former gets to stop the traffic for a while]

Random driver #1: Hey!

Random driver #2: Watch where you're driving!

Random driver #3: Slow down, you jerk!

More coming soon

TBA