How to make chinese food

its raining dogs and cats. when it rains dog and cats in southeast asia (AHEM CHINA) they eat em. nom nom nom. how to make chinese food. (Note if you are planning to serve it to Americans make sure to add a gallon of grease so they will actually like it)
 * 1) Go to the pet shop
 * 2) Get a dog and a cat.
 * 3) Bring it home.
 * 4) Put it on the DAMN PAN. need some oil for meh pan.
 * 5) mi pan zu zu zu. zu zu zu. mi pan. yakakus. nam nam NAM. mi pAaaAAAAAAaAAAaAaaan ZUZUZUZUZU
 * 6) anyways, turn the stove on.
 * 7) burn the dog and cat. now, it's a hot dog.
 * 8) after your done cooking it, eat it.
 * 9) take off the hair first.
 * 10) eat it