Fanon:Wooden x Thomas (Joke)

Author's Note
THIS PAGE IS A JOKE (and slightly nsfw).

Inspired by those crazy goofy ass fanfics yall are making.

Also is it Thomden or Woomas?

Chapter 1
It was a rainy day, perfect for the Monday morning.

Shit Wooden thought Doesn't help that I have to walk to school today.

Wooden's life was like a normal 16 year old. Loving parents. Awful siblings. And drinking a shit-ton of "Monster Energy" Sometimes, Wooden felt different and drank Red Bull. She played sports, and looked decently attractive. Wooden was a nice girl and all. But there was something missing in her life. Not friends, defiantly not friends. She had like 50 of them. So what did she want? She never understood what she wanted. If she did know what she want. She would probably never know why.

But Thomas was different. He was your average emo, but (sadly) due to his scrawny appearance, he looked like an Andrew Tate loving 14 year old. The worst thing about Thomas was his obsession of trains. He loved the way the trains went VRRR! and how it moved. But it seemed like the other kids didn't appreciate him. They called him "autistic" "a dumbass" and worse of all "femboy" This hurt the little Thomas deeply. Even though he knew that he WAS autistic (his parents showed him the papers), he tried to deny it, he started to hate himself, and so, the autistic community.

Now, it was Thomas's turn. He had a extremally clean room, with a bunch of Thomas the Tank Engine posters all around the room. He maintained them so good that they looked brand new. A giant train kit was next to his bed, with all the Thomas the Tank Engine figurines in it. He woke up, sweat all around him. His dreams were weird and vivid. Something about a Wooden Board... but he forgot about it in the first five minutes.

Thomas got ready and went to school. Where he saw the Gay Furry Weeb. Squirrel. He hated Squirrel with every fiber in his bone. His annoying ass voice. His annoying ass face. His annoying ass... everything. But he somehow still sticked with him for all those years. Probably because he was his only friend. He nodded Squirrel to walk with him to homeroom. When Thomas opened the door, he saw the hottest female he ever saw. He blushed the shit out. He froze in fear, not even moving an inch.

"Uhmmm, are you okay Thomas-san?" Squirrel asked, confused.

"No." Thomas responded.

How come Thomas had never seen her before?

Then, the teacher noticed him standing still. "Hey Thomas, why don't you introduce her? She's new to this class!"

"Uhm.. ok..." mummed Thomas.

He walked up to the female. "Uhmm... hey... what's your name?" Thomas asked, staring at the females eyes.

"Oh! My name is..."

END OF CHAPTER ONE

Chapter 2
"Oh! My name is Shin!"

Fuck... did I get a crush on a fucking weeb? Thomas thought to himself.

"Thomas that's the wrong person. She's the person to your right." Said the teacher, Mrs. Vivian.

"O-oh..." Thomas stuttered, "So uh... what's your name?"

She was just as cute as the weeb Thomas had a crush on. Her face was like a Wooden Board, her eyes. Oh! Her eyes. So majestic. It's was like two D's plastered in a board. Her body was slim and tall, like a Wooden Board.

"Oh! My name is Wooden Board!"

Alright who the fuck names their kid Wooden Board.

But he couldn't say that she definitely wasn't a cutie. So, he decided to make a move.

"Hey..."

Wait no- scrap that,

"Yeah, what?" Wooden replied, confused.

"Wanna meet my Gay Furry Weeb friend?" said Thomas

"Thomas, I'm not a Gay Furry Weeb." responded Squirrel angrily.

"Do I give a shit?" Thomas "basedly" said.

"I don't think so Thomas-senpai." Weebed Squirrel.

"What the fuck" Wooden said in the end. "Are you a fucking pervert?"

"Do you mean Squirrel or me?" asked Thomas

"That Furry Gay Weeb." answered Wooden.

"Yeah, he is a pervert." Thomas agreeingly.

"Woah, Wooden your such a cutie." Said Squirrel.

The thought dawned on Thomas. Maybe Squirrel wasn't all that gay.... wait- did he just call Wooden a cutie. Fuck. Squirrel gonna get that bitch quicker then Thomas ever can. Thomas did the only sensible thing. He asked Squirrel something.

"Squirrel... can I go to the bathroom with you?" asked Thomas.

"Hell yeah!" Squirrel said a little too excitingly.

When they walked into the bathroom, Squirrel pushed the bathroom door and pushed Thomas into the toilet.

"What the fuck, Squirrel!?"

"This is the thing I've always wanted to do..." responded Squirrel as he moaned.

"Alright, time to bust your nut... wait-" Thomas replied to the weirdly sexual comment.

Thomas ran to Squirrel and punched his balls, causing red substance to spread all around him.

"Wait why is my cum red?" asked Squirrel

"THAT'S BLOOD YOU DUMBASS!" said Thomas.

He kept on beating Squirrel's nuts until he stopped bleeding.

"Alright time to regenerate my balls." said Squirrel.

"What" Thomas confusingly replied.

Squirrel's balls fucking regenerated.

"Alright, so why did you beat my balls?" asked Squirrel.

"Because you have a crush on Wooden." replied Thomas.

"Thomas, I do not have a crush on Wooden. Nor am I a Gay Furry Weeb. What's wrong with complimenting women to get your rizz score up?" answered Squirrel.

"Oh." said Thomas.

Thomas was shocked. Surprised even. He knew that Squirrel was a dumbass, but the fact that he thinks he can have rizz was... so stupid.

"Squirrel, your a fucking femboy." said Thomas.

"No, I'm part of Gen 5!" said Squirrel.

"What." said Thomas.

END OF CHAPTER 2.

Chapter 3
"So uh.. Squirrel. Opinions on gay sex?" questioned Thomas while walking down the hallway.

"Oh I love it! It's so detailed!" responded Squirrel "It's possibly the greatest things man ever created!"

Alright, why the fuck am I his friend?

"SHIT." said Thomas loudly.

"What?" asked Squirrel.

"We're late to second period." answered Thomas.

"Oh fuck! I got my math teacher!" said Squirrel.

"We both have the same teacher." Thomas said while rolling his eyes " I mean, what are we even going to learn? She's just going to post on her Onlyfans. I'm mean... I'm not complaining."

"But we better run."

Thomas and Squirrel did a mad dash to the math classroom. The hallways seemed to go on forever and ever. Making Thomas insane, from both the sweat and the repeating pattern of the hallway.

"Yep, we're here." said Squirrel.

"Now, let's see them ass!" said Thomas

"What the actual fuck, Thomas." said Squirrel.

As they entered the classroom, they saw that their was a note on a desk. It read:

Dear students,

''I have decided that I'm doing Onlyfans full-time! BYEEEEE!''

Thank you, Mrs. Rebbeca.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Screamed Thomas.

Wooden was walking to her first period to her second. She was wondering where that Thomas kid was. Wasn't he supposed to be the kid who's gonna be walking him down the doors? And what about his friend Squirrel. Is he really a Gay Furry Weeb? Or a Gay Transgender Black Furry Weeb? An aura of mystery surrounded Thomas.... who was he really.

"Hey Wooden! Why don't you introduce yourself to the class?" Said the teacher. She had big red glasses, pointing at the end. Her long blond hair was blond and long. She had diamond earrings shaped like a rhombus. She kinda looked like hot female from Pokemon: Sword and Shield.

"Alright teach." Responded Wooden.

"Never say that every again to my face, Wooden." Snapped Teach "It's Mrs. Daisy, by the way."

"Alright t- Mrs. Daisy"

"Pay attention yall! A new kid is talking!" said Mrs. Daisy loudly.

"So uh. Hi. My name is Wooden. I like beanies. And I'm gonna be a part of your homeroom." answered Wooden.

Everyone didn't clap... wait.

Wooden could hear hard grunting noises from the outside.

"Hey, does anybody hear that?" questioned Wooden.

"What do you mean." said that one straight looking boy with blond hair and a bunch of freckles.

"I think it came from the bathroom." Wooden muttered "Ma'am, may I go to the bathroom?"

"Yeah sure, why not, it's not like your gonna learn anything anyway." said Teach.

As Wooden walked towards to the bathroom, she turned around and saw the two buffoons, Squirrel and Thomas, running to... somewhere. So, like a normal person, she started stalking them.

When she finally caught them up, she found them in another classroom. Both of them were reading a note, and where's the teach? Then Thomas, with his eyes bawling, collapesed on his knees. And screamed "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

So, like a sane person, Wooden walked up to him and said "Hey, Thomas, you good?"

"Of course not! My only source of porn is gone!"

"What?"

"OMG! It's you Wooden-chan! How are you?" weebed Squirrel. "You look like a wooden board! Very white!"

"But I'm black-" said Wooden "Anyway, what about that porn?"

"Well, you see, my ex-teach is an onlyfans model." said Thomas and Squirrel at the same time.

"Oh." said Wooden. "Anyway, you guys do realize it's first period, right?"

"Oh" said Thomas, imitating Wooden.

As they walked down the hallway to the classroom, they found a surprise waiting for them.

The Big Bastards.

Chapter 4
"Thomas how the fuck do you have a girlfriend?" said one of the Bastards "You're friends with a gay transgender furry"

"shut up, SOTI" Thomas replied

"oooo, the baby gets his pants" said another

"tf does that mean?" said thomas

"...the best roasts dont need explaining" he replied

"No, but like, what the fuck does that mean?" SOTI said

"uhm..."

"I knew it! You're a fake! Throw him out!"

"YES MY LORD AND SAVIOR SOTI! OUR GOD! OUR ALL MIGHT!"

As they threw the unknown man out of their club, the man screamed

"I AM BEANOS! YOU'LL NEVER FORGET THAT!"

"yeah yeah whatever" said the short gay man with internalized homophobia "Anygays, wanna get a drink?"

"yeah sure, and you are mocking vama, right?" said the green one

"why would you assume im gay haha" said the short man

"thats not what I say"

As the bastards walked down the street, the man, who seemed to be black and purple at the same time, said to the gang:

"Who the fuck are you two?"

"You dont know me?" said Thomas

"Yeah no shit, you're autistic. I dont remember autists."

"IM NOT AUTISTIC!" he said while he was obsessing over his train collection on his phone.

"I wanna go back." said Beanos

"No you're going to be with me."

"the fuck?"

"I can get you back." said Thomas

"Oh yeah, Thomas you're friend is a gay transgender furry?"

END OF CHAPTER 4