Fanon:Pranks a Whole Darn Lot!/Transcript

(The episode begins with a 3-line message appearing one line every 5 seconds: "Martin and Barbara were not destined for each other..." "But what if they were?" "This is where the saga begins..." Scene fades in to Martin struggling getting the axe out of the power-box and shining his phone flashlight at it, similar to the Big Nate series "Randy's Mom Has Got It Goin' On".)

Ellen: You're shaking me. (startles Martin) Are you OK? (takes the phone from Martin)

Martin: This is a very special night, and I- I Just want to keep my mojo going. But- I need you kids by my side, but Nate and Randy sure are taking forever on their walk. (finally takes the axe off the power-box, opening it and revealing a wire severed in half. He starts fixing the wire)

Ellen: OK, well maybe try to put a little mood music on, y'know. Try to relax!

Martin: (finishes fixing the wire, causing the power to go back on) Great idea! (kisses Ellen on the forehead and walks off)

Ellen: (notices a message on Martin's phone saying "I MISS U!!!! - BarbiBarb" and swipes it aside, showing an image of Barbara) Huh? Dad?? Where's the pic of Nate and me on your phone?

Martin: Oh, uh, Barbara likes that pic better. (Ellen looks down on that pic worried. Martin turns on the radio and starts finger-snapping and dancing to the music)

Barbara: Ahahahahahahaha! This music is a joke, right?!?

Martin: Huh? But this is my favorite album! "Organic Eggplant" by Todd and the Peapods? Don't you like folk?

Barbara: Are you kidding? It's nothing but smooth jazz for me! But of course, if you're up for some folk, then what the heck? I don't mind! I also enjoy your yam burgers, just like how my parents used to make them!

Martin: No way! Really!? Well since we have a lot in common, have I got a little something for you, Barbara! Be right back. (heads upstairs then back into the kitchen with a ring-box, which he opens to reveal an engagement ring from his past relationship) Barbara, how would you like to take our relationship to the next level? Will you marry me?

Barbara: Oh yes, Martin! Yes!! YES!!!

Nate: (walking outside with Randy) Ugh, I can't believe we're gonna be brothers.

Randy: It's worse for you, so I don't care. (kicks a can which hits Nate's head)

Nate: Ow! Wait, how's it worse for me?

Randy: You gotta live with someone you hate. (picks his nose, flicks a booger, and chuckles)

Nate: Um, hello!?! You hate me too, remember? You're always messing with me!

Randy: I only mess with people who don't like me, so it's your fault! (points at Nate who slaps his hand away)

Nate: Yeah, well maybe if you stop messing with people, they'll like you!

Randy: Hmm... Nah! (Nate grumbles. Randy's phone buzzes, he picks up the phone and sees a message saying "Come home now, Lovebug! We have exciting news!!!!! - BarbiBarb") This can't be good.

Nate: You realize that now?!

(Scene switches to at home, where Nate, Randy, and Ellen are on the sofa, as Martin and Barbara talk to them)

Martin: We are engaged!

Barbara: Yeah, and we're getting.....

Martin and Barbara: Married! (repeat "Married!" 3 times, the third time in slow-motion)

Nate and Randy: (look at each other and start screaming) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Martin: Family photo, everybody!

Ellen: You're gonna save the photo on your phone, right?

Martin: Of course, Ellen! (takes a group selfie photo of the family, while Nate and Randy are still screaming)

(Song (Maroon 5 - Memories (instrumental)) starts as scene transitions to Martin and Barbara's wedding. They pose for a wedding photo with Nate, Randy, and Ellen in the background.)

Nate: (whispering) It's all your fault, Randy.

Randy: (whispering) Quiet, meat-brain! After this, I'll rearrange your face like a puzzle and strangle you with my tie.

(Scene switches to Martin and Barbara at the altar, with Zeff as the vicar)

Zeff: So, do you, Martin, take Barbara to be your wife?

Martin: I do.

Zeff: And do you, Barbara, take Martin to be your husband?

Barbara: Ooh yes! I sure do!

Zeff: OK then, I pronounce you husband and wife! Martin, you may kiss the bride!

(Martin and Barbara share a passionate kiss, with Nate and Randy watching in the background)

Randy: UGH, forget my earlier threat, Nate! I feel like throwing up.

Nate: Same here. We're screwed!

(Song ends as scene switches to outside P.S. 38 after the last day of school. All the kids are rushing out happily, except Nate and Randy who walk depressed.)

Francis: Hey, Nate! Teddy, Chad, and I are gonna head to the arcade. Wanna join us?

Nate: Can't. Too upset.

Teddy: What?! Why?

Nate: Hello!? Because I have the world's worst freaking jerk-ball as my stepbrother!

Randy: Watch your mouth, step-down-bro!

Chad: Maybe it won't be that bad, Nate! You might just form a nice bonding friendship with Randy, and he would be much more likeable.

Nate: Yeah, right.

Francis: OK, suit yourself, Nate. Let's go, you guys.

(Francis, Teddy, Chad start going to the arcade, while Nate and Randy head down the streets)

Nate: Do you think it's true what Chad said? That we might form a nice friendship and you can stop being a jerk?

Randy: I doubt it. I'll probably be the same pain in the butt I'll always be towards you.

Nate: My God, Randy, why can't you be a decent dude for once?

Randy: I can be whatever I wanna be, you little- Oh hello! (walks over to a brownish-green slimy substance and picks up)

Nate: Randy, what are you- EWW!!! What is that???

Randy: Fake barf. Now let's hide in a bush, quick! (hides in a bush along with Nate, and gives the fake throw-up to Nate)

Nate: Oh this doesn't feel nearly as nasty as it looks. So what do I do with this?

Randy: You throw it at someone, duh! They're gonna be so shocked and grossed out when this thing hits them in the face! Oop! Here comes a passerby now.

Nate: (peeks out slightly and notices Dee Dee about a hundred feet away) (whispering) That's Dee Dee! This isn't such a good idea, Randy. I wouldn't want to do something mean to my friend.

Randy: (whispering) No, you and I are friends, Nate. More than friends, stepbrothers! Now hurry up and throw the fake barf at Dee Dee or I'll shove it down your throat.

Nate: OK. (after a couple seconds of worry and hesitation, aims the fake throw-up at Dee Dee and throws before quickly hiding again)

Randy: BLEAH!!!

Dee Dee: Huh? (notices the fake throw-up hitting in the face, pauses for a second and starts screaming) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! (runs off, still screaming)

(Once Dee Dee disappears into the horizon, Nate and Randy burst out of the bush laughing)

Nate: Hahahaha.... That felt so good! The look on Dee Dee's face when she saw the fake puke heading towards her face.

Randy: You know what, Nate? You are a good pal. We can make a freaking awesome prankster duo, throwing the wildest pranks at unsuspecting people. How about that? And you should know that I'm also inspired to do pranks by the legendary Brad Gunter.

Nate: I don't think so.

Randy: What!?

Nate: ...Is what I would say if I wasn't a rebellious little devil, but I am. So let's do this! (shakes hands with Randy)

(Song (Nate and Randy Master Pranksters theme song (extended instrumental)) starts, and so does Nate and Randy's pranking montage. They do bad things like release rats into the neighborhood, place frogs into people's water bottles, place spring onto benches for people to sit down and be flung away, jam restroom sinks with bubble gum, and put glow-in-the-dark green dye into the shampoo which dyes Ellen's hair a green glow-in-the-dark color. Nate and Randy empty the shampoo bottle so when Ellen tries to show Martin the green glow-in-the-dark shampoo, there isn't any, leaving her confused. Song and montage ends as scene switches to Nate and Randy at the county fair.)

Randy: Pfft. This sucks!

Nate: What, the state fair?! I think it's quite fun! What isn't?

Randy: This rollercoaster! It's just the same mundane track over and over. We need to spice it up a bit.

Nate: OK, I don't know how- OH! I get it now! We modify part of a track so we can ride the rollercoaster around the city.

Randy: Exactly! And I have my own steering wheel to steer this baby to different places. Now call your friends and see if they're up for this rollercoaster joyride.

Nate: Got it. (calls Francis) Francis! You, me, Randy, Teddy, Chad, Dee Dee, rollercoaster, ASAP. Let's have fun! (hangs up and helps Randy modify part of the rollercoaster track with some tools and add in the steering wheel to the front cart)

Francis: (arrives a few minutes later with Teddy, Chad, and Dee Dee) Hey guys! Uh, I don't know, this is just the same old rollercoaster that we're tired of.

Teddy: Yeah, we've ridden it a bunch of times.

Chad: I still think it's fun!

Dee Dee: The last thing I need is someone throwing up on me like the other day.

Nate: Oh there's gonna be a lot of fun this time, trust me!

Randy: Yeah, don't be shy! Come on in! (he and Nate shove Francis, Teddy, Chad, and Dee Dee into the back carts then ride in the front cart)

(Song (RichaadEB, Christina Vee - Bad Apple!! (instrumental)) starts, as the rollercoaster slowly rises and swiftly drops, zooming on the track, going through the typical rollercoaster twists and loops)

Chad: WEEE!!!

Teddy: This is quite fun, despite being the umpteenth time riding!

Dee Dee: Yeah, it's really- Yikes! What happened to the track?! (points at the broken part of the track they're approaching with the broken edges facing outwards)

Randy: Here comes the best part! (the rollercoaster reaches the broken end of the track and zooms off the track)

Francis: OH MY GOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDD!!!

(The rollercoaster speeds out of the fair and speeds into traffic. It goes in a construction site where it rides up a ramp and flies over a train on a train track, as a passenger looks up in awe. It then speeds through the neighborhood.)

Ellen: (rollercoaster speeds past her) What the-!?

Brad: (rollercoaster speeds past him and Bentley) Whoa-oh!

(The rollercoaster reaches Rackleff Canyon and starts speeding down the hill that leads to the gorge)

Dee Dee: WE'RE GONNA DIE!!!!

Randy: Oh stop being a pessimistic baby. We're gonna nail this jump!

(The rollercoaster finishes its rapid descent down and goes up a small ramp-ish curve that brings it high above the canyon. Everybody starts screaming in slow-motion.)

Francis, Teddy, Chad, and Dee Dee: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nate and Randy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWESOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMME!!!!!!!

(The rollercoaster lands safety on the other side and zooms away. Soon, it reaches the county fair again and re-enters, slowing down at the station as the song ends)

Randy: Well, hope you all enjoy this wild rollercoaster experience! How do you all feel after this ride? (looks at Francis, Teddy, Chad, and Dee Dee, who are all shaken and feeling sick)

Francis: Not so hot.

Teddy: Same here.

(Chad throws up on Dee Dee who then faints from the earlier trauma)

Nate: Dude, that ride was EPIC!!!

Randy: I was just thinking the same thing. Now let's fix the track or we get busted! (he and Nate fix the modified part of the rollercoaster track with some tools and remove the steering wheel from the front cart)

Ellen: (arrives a few minutes later with Martin and Barbara) What!? What happened? The rollercoaster is back to normal! B-but I saw it zoom past the city on the way back from my friend's house!

Martin: I don't know what you're talking about, but I haven't seen it.

Barbara: Me neither. We were on a date before you picked us up.

Martin: Let's go home. I don't want any more time wasted.

Ellen: But but but but but... (she, Martin, and Barbara head into the car and start driving home)

Randy: We've had quite a lot of fun in that rollercoaster joyride, haven't we?

Nate: Yeah!

Teddy: Um, NO.

(Nate turns to see Francis, Teddy, Chad, and Dee Dee glaring angrily at him and Teddy)

Francis: That was, by far, the most dangerous prank you've ever done!

Teddy: You could've gotten us killed!

Dee Dee: And now I have barf on my head for real!

Chad: I thought it was fun!

Francis, Teddy, and Dee Dee: CHAD!!!!

Chad: Sorry! Sorry.

Francis: Nate, Randy is a bully. He's always been! And you've been collaborating with him to make some of the nastiest pranks in town! This is not like you, Nate, even by your pranking standards!

Nate: Hey, Randy is my pal! More than a pal, he's my stepbrother! We just wanna have fun, and you're spoiling it all! You all suck and don't deserve to live your stupid lives in the same world as us!

(Francis, Teddy, Chad, and Dee Dee all gasp)

Randy: Oooh, BURN!

Francis: Nate, you are the rudest, more arrogant and self-centered person I've ever known! I thought you were a good friend to me and my other friends, but I was wrong. (wedgies Nate and knees him in the oompa-loompas) You're not one of us, Nate! Our friendship with you is over! Have fun with your step-bro. (walks away with Teddy, Chad, and Dee Dee)

Nate: (groaning with his voice slightly higher after that groin-kick. He gets up and starting shouting to his now-former friends) Yeah, I don't care! I don't need any more friends other than Randy! He's much greater than you pieces of crud.

(Francis, Teddy, Chad, and Dee Dee disappear into the horizon.)

Randy: Hey Nate, thanks for standing up for me! You really showed those chumps who not to mess with.

Nate: No problem. That's what step-bros are for! Now let's go home. (as they both start to leave, they encounter Randy's posse) Oh no, it's your posse! Please tell me they're not here to beat me up!

Matt: Beat you up? We won't do that! We're here to praise the amazing prank you and Randy pulled!

Brandon: A rollercoaster joyride all over the city? Now that's killer!

Jamie: Epic!

Josh: Radical!

Philip: Yeah, you go, guys!

Nate: It was nothing, really....

Randy: Oh where are my manners? I should introduce you guys. Nate, this is my posse; Matt, Brandon, Jamie, Josh, Philip.

Nate: Hi guys! (Waves, and the posse waves back. Then Brad and Bentley arrive.) Brad! Bentley! What brings you two here?!

Brad: Oh we noticed your hardcore prank, and I just wanna say, you have our approval.

Bentley: Keep it up with your pranks, man! Maybe you can add me to your team someday.

Nate: Maybe. Thanks guys! (starts talking to Randy) You know what, Randy? We really do make a great team.

Randy: Heck yeah, we do! Prankster brothers forever! (he and Nate fist-bump each other as the series title "Nate and Randy - Master Pranksters" appears on-screen. End of episode)